Conquer Club

Score: e_i_pi 20 - 15 yokels

In celebration of my upcoming birthday, I'm staging a Viking Birthday Invasion of the Deep South!

The Setting
Vikings have landed in the Americas, led by e_i_pi! The map is American Civil War, No Cards, Chained Forts, Sunny

The War
The war will consist of 35 1v1 battles, 1 for each year I am older than I was when I was a bouncing baby Viking boy. Enemies can scout, skirmish, raid, or battle me!
Scout = A single game
Skirmish = Best of 3 games
Raid = Best of 5 games
Battle = Best of 7 games
Games will be set up by myself, and the password sent to you via PM. Choose wisely, as you cannot change your mind - if your scouting attempt is successful, you cannot then launch a raid (as you are weak and insolent), it is up to your swine compatriots to come to your filthy aid.

The scoring
Players get individual kudos for beating me in a scout, skirmish, raid, or battle. But in the end, e_i_pi will get kudos if he wins the majority of the 35 games, liberates the south, and sets up the most glorious beer-brewing empire in all of the world, with each kudos-player getting a kegger. If e_i_pi fails, then we will be stuck with moonshine and yokels forevermore.

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Scouts
kylegraves1 stumbles drunkenly into a Viking camp! kyle wins!
(Kyle Graves)


Skirmishes
AmphibiousRodent makes a cavalry charge in true Southern style! pi wins!
(The Dirty Water Rat, The Rat's Hog, The Rat's Rusty Pitchfork)
Timminz attempts a sneak attack with his Ma and Pa in tow, who are strangely enough also his sister and wife! pi wins!
(Timminz, Timminz's Ma-Sister, Timminz's Pa-Wife)
Nagerous gathers together his most volatile moonshine and attacks our intrepid hero! pi wins!
(Nagerous, Nagerous' Moonshine Flamethrower, Nagerous' Moonshine Facility)
khazalid grabs his banjo and challenges e_i_pi to a duel! khaz wins!
(Khazalid, Khaz's Banjo, Khaz's Piece of Grass sticking out of his mouth)


Raids
Stroop has engineered weapons of corn destruction, and launches a desperate raid! pi wins!
(Stroop, Stroop's Corn Cannon, Stroop's Gatling Corn, Stroop's Corn Grenade, Stroop's Stinky Foot Corns)
cowboyz has gathered together a posse, and charges at the Vikings! pi wins!
(cowboyz, Gaucho Primero, Gaucho Bisexuo, Gaucho Triumverato, Mad Max's dog)
MudPuppy stirs up a troupe in the style of General Lee! MudPuppy wins!
(MudPuppy, His Fluffy Hick Dog, His Fluffy Hick Dice, His Fluffy Hick Risk Board, His Fluffy Hick Surrenderin' Stick)

Battles
guylian gathers together a group of his yokel buddies and goes on a witchhunt! pi wins!
(Guylian, Guylian's Torch, Guylian's Hick Friend, Guylian's Cousin, Guylian's Pet Chicken, Guylian's Beaten Up Ride, Guylian's Bonfire)

lets battle baby!

wait, are you really gonna play all 35 on acw? why not some na, usa/apoc, all the new usa road maps etcetc?

khazalid wrote:wait, are you really gonna play all 35 on acw? why not some na, usa/apoc, all the new usa road maps etcetc?

Yep all in ACW, I want some more practice there I'll extend my invasion to the whole of North America if I'm successful here.

What size mini-challenge do you want khaz? 1 / 3 / 5 / 7 game?

My drunk ass will skirmish your drunk ass.

Is this speed? If so, I'll play a few.

Timminz wrote:Is this speed? If so, I'll play a few.

We can do speed, just have to be on at the same time PM me if you want some speed games

Holed up in The Badlands, I fought off an initial burst by Timminz himself, who was slain after a glorious battle. Then Timminz's Ma-Sister got mad, threw gumbo at me and it stung my eyes, but after I executed Timminz's Pa-Wife and scattered his remains to the four winds, she fled with her skirt over her head, carrying on about some yokel rubbish...

The Timminz Skirmish is beaten away!

e_i_pi wins 2-1!

YAY!! I looz'd.

I'll take a raid

No need for speed, but I will play all the games at once if you want.

Stroop wrote:I'll take a raid

No need for speed, but I will play all the games at once if you want.

Done! I shall defeat you and your stinky corn weaponry, and then mash you into some sort of corn paste which I will then spread on toast and eat!

I challenge you to a skirmish!

i am in for a battle

bring it

Done and done you goddam hicks! Prepare for the PM of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM with passwords of DOOOOOOOOOM

Well played

I'll keep an eye out for any more of these events

Stroop invaded the rightful homeland of the Vikings - West Virginia! And he darnwell near cleared the Norse out of that area. His Corn Cannon and Gatling Corn Gun tore strips off the Vikings, who were armed only with swords and axes. But in an act of apparent Deep South insanity, Stroop dropped his Corn Grenade at his own feet, cackling madly to himself. Subsequently Stroop and his Stinky Feet Corns were blown to shreds.

The Stroop Raid is overcome!

e_i_pi wins 3-2!

Stroop wrote:Well played

I'll keep an eye out for any more of these events

Great games, especially the one where we were trading Capitals every round for the last 4-5 rounds! Hats off to you sir, you play a mean game of AmCivWar

Guylian marched to the border of our provinces, his hick mates in tow, with a torch in hand, and wood to make a bonfire. A witch-hunt he was planning, but I had a more cunning plan. Donning my apron and wooden spoon, I set up a chili-cookoff stall, and challenged Guylian to cook a better chili than myself. Guylian quickly set up the wood for the bonfire, lit it, and we selected our meats - Guylian chose his pet chicken, I chose his friend and his cousin. Using the Scandinavian secret of using lye to cure meat, I set about cooking up the most sickening meal imaginable. Once Guylian had a try, he stumbled back to his ute, chicken underarm, clutching his stomach in pain.

The Guylian Battle is over!

e_i_pi wins 4 - 3

e_i_pi wrote:Guylian marched to the border of our provinces, his hick mates in tow, with a torch in hand, and wood to make a bonfire. A witch-hunt he was planning, but I had a more cunning plan. Donning my apron and wooden spoon, I set up a chili-cookoff stall, and challenged Guylian to cook a better chili than myself. Guylian quickly set up the wood for the bonfire, lit it, and we selected our meats - Guylian chose his pet chicken, I chose his friend and his cousin. Using the Scandinavian secret of using lye to cure meat, I set about cooking up the most sickening meal imaginable. Once Guylian had a try, he stumbled back to his ute, chicken underarm, clutching his stomach in pain.

The Guylian Battle is over!

e_i_pi wins 4 - 3

lol, are you planning to do this for every game. very funny

well played though mate, was a tough close battle and we will meet again

guylian wrote:

e_i_pi wrote:Guylian marched to the border of our provinces, his hick mates in tow, with a torch in hand, and wood to make a bonfire. A witch-hunt he was planning, but I had a more cunning plan. Donning my apron and wooden spoon, I set up a chili-cookoff stall, and challenged Guylian to cook a better chili than myself. Guylian quickly set up the wood for the bonfire, lit it, and we selected our meats - Guylian chose his pet chicken, I chose his friend and his cousin. Using the Scandinavian secret of using lye to cure meat, I set about cooking up the most sickening meal imaginable. Once Guylian had a try, he stumbled back to his ute, chicken underarm, clutching his stomach in pain.

The Guylian Battle is over!

e_i_pi wins 4 - 3

lol, are you planning to do this for every game. very funny

well played though mate, was a tough close battle and we will meet again

Yeah, there's a theme to every one! Great games, a couple of them had a lot of good action around Lee, Beauregard, and the Southern States. Great stuff, thanks for the games

In a classic display of farmboy bravado, AmphibiousRodent charges headlong at pi, riding a hog like a horse, and using a pitchfork like a lance. Except pi is safely on his longboat, having tea with some fine ladyfriends. AmphibiousRodent hits the breakers, then disappears beneath the waves...

The AmphibiousRodent Skirmish is over!

e_i_pi wins 3-0

*gurgle*

skirmish it is, lets go!

khazalid wrote:skirmish it is, lets go!

Games sent, let's go THOTA arch-nemesis person

Armed with his trusty moonshine flamethrower, Nagerous stormed into pi's Althing and demanded equal rights for hicks and inbreds. The bill was passed, but not after pi kindly reminded Nagerous that weapons aren't allowed in the Althing, and he would have to pay a fine of equal value to his entire property. Nagerous, satisfied that justice had been done, gave up his worldly possessions and strutted out, none-the-wiser.

The Nagerous Skirmish is over!

e_i_pi wins 2-1