Conquer Club

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:11 am**

So I'm playing a couple of late night 1v1s. I take a loss to a cook, hurts me for 55 points, start a game up with a private on Middle Earth, one of my favourite maps...

2008-08-02 13:07:42 - e_i_pi: hi, gl
2008-08-02 13:08:02 - e_i_pi: you got first go, looks like you win lol
2008-08-02 13:10:47 - Statecraft: You haven't seen me role the dice!
2008-08-02 13:13:58 - e_i_pi: I've said it once, I'll say it again... gg dice
2008-08-02 13:15:51 - Statecraft: See why you have nothing to worry about and I'm only a private?
2008-08-02 13:16:38 - e_i_pi: I just lost to someone with 600 points
2008-08-02 13:16:42 - e_i_pi: they have 655 points now

There's the usual to and fro of an escalating games where both players have 13-17 provinces. Dice good, dice bad, and so on. Then he starts with this gibberish..

2008-08-02 13:18:11 - Statecraft: So then does the "system" on this site lend itself to higher rated players avoiding lower rated players?
2008-08-02 13:19:06 - e_i_pi: I play whoever
2008-08-02 13:19:20 - e_i_pi: But I'm gonna stop playing players with ratings less than 200 points below mine I think
2008-08-02 13:19:29 - e_i_pi: You lose too many points on a bad drop or bad dice
2008-08-02 13:21:05 - Statecraft: I've read about how the dice are created using this mathematical computation.

Thinking he may be referring to my great dissertation on the maths of the dice, I continue...

2008-08-02 13:22:12 - e_i_pi: Where have you read this?
2008-08-02 13:24:22 - Statecraft: On one of the headings - or in the email file.

"Damn" I think. I really could have strung him along on this one. Oh well, little did I know this was the next thing to come out of his keyboard...

2008-08-02 13:30:09 - Statecraft: I will tell you what I think about this site though and I am new. I think these guys who run it are geeky liberals and they intfer in the games of Christians like me by manipulating the dice and preventing army transfers. I believe they are evil.
2008-08-02 13:31:59 - e_i_pi: hmm I'm not so sure
2008-08-02 13:34:38 - Statecraft: Look what happened a few moves ago - I had a cash in and had 10 armies versus your 2 and I lost 9 and you 0. Only a liberal behind the scenes could have inflicted such chaos.
2008-08-02 13:35:05 - e_i_pi: You have been attacking down to the last man every time, and I have been leaving 2s and 3s around, which defend way better than singles
2008-08-02 13:36:27 - Statecraft: Do not lecture me. First, I have not done that. I stop attacking and it keeps attacking. Then when I try and fortify, it ends my turn. Are you a liberal too?
2008-08-02 13:37:48 - e_i_pi: apparently I am

...and so the games begin...

2008-08-02 13:38:49 - Statecraft: Well, I hope you know you ruined my entire weekend. Satan will get you for this!
2008-08-02 13:39:12 - e_i_pi: No... Satan will get me for this...

I trim him down to a single 1 army territory, 3 cards (not a set), and surround him with 10-stack armies - oh, evil, I know, but it was worth it for the response...

2008-08-02 13:39:49 - Statecraft: You prophesied correctly - Satan will get you.

It's all too amusing, so I deploy another 12-15 armies on each territory around him and end turn again...

2008-08-02 13:41:59 - Statecraft: Look at your epigrammtic style of play. You have a won game and you keep fiddling around like some liberal without a job. You are pedition at its finest!
2008-08-02 13:44:06 - e_i_pi: Recant your anti-liberal diatribe, and I'll let you die
2008-08-02 13:47:17 - Statecraft: So you are a smelly person who's voting for Obama the slouch - you probably walk like him, shoulders slumped, jaw thrusted out, lips unpeeled - you poor fool.
2008-08-02 13:47:45 - e_i_pi: For that... you get one more round of misery
2008-08-02 13:48:45 - e_i_pi: I don't even live in USA. Spout me some lefty crap about Australia, I'm finding this amusing

...and then he deadbeats a round and I finish him. A pity really, I was starting to enjoy the crazy man. I think I may have to drop a hello to him in my other game with him, the quads game on the same map, where's he's on the other team. I can't wait for the table talk on that one :twisted:

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:24 pm**

i wana play a game with him,hes hilarious

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:48 pm**

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:54 pm**

Only a liberal behind the scenes could have inflicted such chaos.

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:54 pm**

Only a liberal behind the scenes could have inflicted such chaos.

To better understand this, one should examine the History of Liberals and Conservatives...

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood... back when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

In the single greatest pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and also triggered the separation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

You see, once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Since neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. And that's why villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

Early liberal achievements included the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Over time, liberals did not produce anything as they preferred to "govern" the producers and decide what was to be done with the production. Liberal men stopped caring for their women once they discovered that their women had more testosterone than they did. Liberals liked deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber-jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting America was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet".

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:28 pm**

Robinette wrote:
Only a liberal behind the scenes could have inflicted such chaos.

To better understand this, one should examine the History of Liberals and Conservatives...

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood... back when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

In the single greatest pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and also triggered the separation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

You see, once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Since neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. And that's why villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

Early liberal achievements included the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Over time, liberals did not produce anything as they preferred to "govern" the producers and decide what was to be done with the production. Liberal men stopped caring for their women once they discovered that their women had more testosterone than they did. Liberals liked deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber-jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting America was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet".

after your dice patch, this is the most brilliant thing you've ever posted

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:10 pm**

bbqpenguin wrote:
after your dice patch, this is the most brilliant thing you've ever posted

heheheee... thanks...

but i am afraid it's just too many words for those people who really need it the most...

But I think i need to tweek this and start a new post based on it....
Could be fun....

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:20 pm**

thats fucking hillarious

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:46 pm**

so now that satan has you.... how's the weather down there? lol

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:15 pm**

Mate, the weather's great. Now where'd I put that "How to vote for Obama" card?

Posted: **Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:23 pm**

lol, i don't think you're allowed to vote in hell.

satan is a dictator you know... and he's sleeping with sadam hussein if you watch any south park

Conquer Club

Late night fun and games

Late night fun and games

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