Conquer Club

Post your funny jokes here!
At the end of the week, starting next week, we'll all vote for the one who posted the funniest joke!

Did you eat my pizza?
No?
grrr oh, wait, here it is!
He he...

What's the difference between this post and the Mona Lisa?

The Mona Lisa will make you laugh

-rd

Why did the unitarian cross the road?

To help the support the chicken in finding it's own path.

-rd

rd, Mona Lisa? can you provide a link por favor?

The local newspaper hosted a pun writing contest a few years ago. The winner would get their pun published. I submitted ten entries. I hoped I would win.

But no pun in ten did.

I know I've posted this before, but it's still funny.

Did you hear about the hyena that fell in the boiling water?

He made a laughing stock of himself.

For those who remember the 80's, the greatest joke of that decade:

What's the similarity between Yoko Ono and the Ethiopian tribesmen?

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What would it take for a beatles reunion?

show: ANSWER

What did the cervix say to the gynecologist?

show: Answer

Whats green and smells like pork?

show: ANSWER

Dukasaur wrote:For those who remember the 80's, the greatest joke of that decade:

To go back even further, What do you call a dog with wings?

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What do you call someone who is wearing sandals?

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A Rabbi, a Mullah and a Priest walk into a bar.
The bar tender leans on his elbows and looks
the trio of holy men over and says,

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A man tells his psychiatrist he can't stop himself buying albums by an old Australian rock band.
The psychiatrist tells him he has OC/DC.

How do you get four old ladies to say f*ck?
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Get the 5th old lady to yell out bingo

jonesthecurl wrote:

Dukasaur wrote:For those who remember the 80's, the greatest joke of that decade:

To go back even further, What do you call a dog with wings?

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Oh, cool!

I missed this when it first came up.

From the tasteless humour region of the brain...

What's the difference between Bristol Palin and a limousine?

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What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a bowling ball?

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What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls
and a truck full of dead babies?

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What's blue and sits in the corner?

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What's reddish orange and goes up and down?

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In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I'm about to receive..."

This is one of the sickest jokes I have ever heard.. so here is my warning before reading

One evening Chris could not sleep, so he decided to go downstairs and get a drink. On his way through the living he catches he dad watching porno, so Chris asks " Dad what are they doing" nothing Chris they are just baking a cake, hurry up and get back to bed. Chris never thought anything about it so he ran back to bed.

The next day Chris and his mother went to the park to play frisbee, Chris's mom threw the frisbee of his head and into the hedges. So Chris and his mom walked to go and retrieve it. When they went through the bushes there was 2 college students getting it on. Chris pulls on his moms sleeve and asks her what are they doing mommy it looks like he is hurting her.. Mom gives a little chuckle and says " No Chris they are just baking a cake, lets not disturb and go home".

The next morning Mom and Dad get up early and Chris is sound a sleep, due to what they both have seen in the following days they were pretty frisky so they had a quick quickie on the couch not knowing that Chris had just woken up, Mom quickly climbs off of dad and before Chris could say anything Mom yells " We were just baking a cake" Mom and Dad run into the kitchen with a smile from ear to ear... 5 minutes pass then 10.. Chris's Dad yells "Chris where are you"... "just one minute".. Finally Chris comes into the Kitchen licking his fingers... Mom ask "Where were you Chris and what in Gods Earth took you so long"... with the biggest smile every looked at his mom and dad... "I was licking the icing off of the couch"

rdsrds2120 wrote:Why did the unitarian cross the road?

To help the support the chicken in finding it's own path.

-rd

Why did Johnny Rotten cross the road?


His cheek was safety-pinned to the chicken.

A wife is helping her husband install his info on a new computer. Having completed that successfully, she says that he now should add a password that he would easily remember, so that he would be able to use the computer when it requests a password.

He winks at his wife and says “penis”...as he enters the password and presses submit
:::his wife bursts into a hysterical fit of laughter:::

show: The computer had responded

Why dd the chicken cross the road?

show: Answer

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', what is the opposite of progress?