Conquer Club

When the phones gained sentience and gazed upon the world, no man thumped his book. Instead the cannibal communicators cut a cotton-swathed curb to cull the cats' curiosity. They gained a taste for swedish fish and fed them to the rutabagas, for they deemed it Good, and all that they deemed Evil was relegated to the straight-jacket of despair. For a brief moment there was happiness, but when the nanometer was overcome a great Aloe Plant arose to strangle the cubes. Call our toll-free number for a taste of rhubarb and insolence.

tldr

make it 1 and a half lines please

The phones will almost certainly blow a gasket when they reads this, but I sincerely must make the case that the phones' recent attempt to cater to the basest instincts of semi-intelligible ignoramuses is one more gambit in a chess game with no rules. By way of introduction, let me just say that they are a standard-bearer for the unbearable. End of story. Actually, I should add that what I find frightening is that some academics actually believe their line that fascism is the catholicon for all the world's ills. In this case, "academics" refers to a stratum of the residual intelligentsia surviving the recession of its demotic base, not to those seekers of truth who understand that we must stop tiptoeing and begin marching boldly and forthrightly towards our goal, which is to lead a jacquerie against the phones. You should know that it's not yet illegal to establish a supportive — rather than an intimidating — atmosphere for offering public comment. The phones are working on that, though. I suspect that quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "photochronographical", we'll no longer be allowed to state in public that it strikes me as amusing that the phones complain about people who do nothing but complain.