A man walks into a bar which has a robot bartender. He orders a whiskey. The bartender brings him a whiskey and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man replies, "168" So the robot starts talking about quantum physics, Microsurgery, and computer programing. The man walks out of the bar and thinks, "Let me try something" and goes back into the bar. He walks up to the bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender brinks him a whiskey and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man replies "100" So the robot starts talking about college football, NASCAR and hunting. The man walks out of the bar and thinks, "Let me try something" and goes back into the bar. He walks up to the bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender brings him a whiskey and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man replies, "Uhh 50" So the robot leans in close and says. "So are you people still happy with Obama?"
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:28 pm
by Symmetry
I like jokes with a bit of ambiguity, but I'm not sure I get this one. Is it that the majority of Americans are mentally retarded? That's not all that funny.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:06 pm
by muy_thaiguy
Would have been better if, when the thread was opened, it said "And the man said,"OUCH!"" because he didn't duck.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:11 pm
by Symmetry
Or maybe if he ordered a sandwich, then shot up all the bottles and then waited a moment, and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:20 pm
by MeDeFe
His friend, the priest of a local congregation could ask him if he wants to call the rabbi and ask him to come over so they can all have a drink together.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 3:23 pm
by crispybits
Did he have a giraffe with him?
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:09 pm
by oVo
Phatscotty's Dos Equis joke is funnier.
Then again there's the one where the guy at the bar made the horse laugh and then made him cry.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:15 pm
by Symmetry
If it's a bear it's funnier when the bartender asks what he wants to drink.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:47 pm
by oVo
There's also the one where the Lion complains of indigestion.
The robot says "what's your IQ?" "the man says "25" The robot says "Hi J2a-j. Welcome back"
So do I. Welcome back, mate.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:04 pm
by AAFitz
jay_a2j wrote:A man walks into a bar which has a robot bartender. He orders a whiskey. The bartender brings him a whiskey and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man replies, "168" So the robot starts talking about quantum physics, Microsurgery, and computer programing. The man walks out of the bar and thinks, "Let me try something" and goes back into the bar. He walks up to the bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender brinks him a whiskey and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man replies "100" So the robot starts talking about college football, NASCAR and hunting. The man walks out of the bar and thinks, "Let me try something" and goes back into the bar. He walks up to the bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender brings him a whiskey and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man replies, "Uhh 50" So the robot leans in close and says. "So are you people still happy with Obama?"
I wonder what the upper limit of a young earth creationist IQ can actually be.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:23 pm
by crispybits
AAFitz wrote:I wonder what the upper limit of a young earth creationist IQ can actually be.
Unfortunately brainwashing isn't dependent on low IQ - catch a genius early enough in life and indoctrinate them into a cult (plus add in some self-esteem repressant disciplinary techniques and maybe a smattering of mild sexual abuse) and they'll spout the same BS as the rest of them...
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:34 pm
by Symmetry
crispybits wrote:
AAFitz wrote:I wonder what the upper limit of a young earth creationist IQ can actually be.
Unfortunately brainwashing isn't dependent on low IQ - catch a genius early enough in life and indoctrinate them into a cult (plus add in some self-esteem repressant disciplinary techniques and maybe a smattering of mild sexual abuse) and they'll spout the same BS as the rest of them...
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:04 am
by oVo
Sometimes brainwashing isn't even required as some people just don't think for themselves anyway. Recent social media comments are evidence of this as a New Yorker won the Miss America Title last weekend.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:07 am
by jonesthecurl
Actually someone needs to reprogram that robot so it does facial recognition. How else is it going to cope when a customer says "the usual, mac". Oh, and is it a mac? or windows?
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:16 am
by Timminz
jonesthecurl wrote:Actually someone needs to reprogram that robot so it does facial recognition. How else is it going to cope when a customer says "the usual, mac". Oh, and is it a mac? or windows?
I'd call him HAL.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:52 am
by crispybits
Surely "Marvin the Barman" has a better ring to it?
He could then make even the unhappiest drunk feel positively cheerful by comparison
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:00 pm
by jonesthecurl
"IQ? Don't talk to me about IQ. Brain the size of a planet and they didn't give me a facial recognition program."
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:59 am
by jay_a2j
A man died and went to heaven. He stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh" said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible" said the man. "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life." "Where's Obama's clock?" "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:40 am
by MeDeFe
jay_a2j wrote:"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
And this is where everyone should realise that bullshit is incoming.
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 3:25 am
by oVo
I'm imagining a Bar Tender in the future named HAL as he talks to a disgruntled customer... "Dave? What's wrong Dave? Are you upset? Would you like me to sing you a song?"
Re: A man walks into a bar......
Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:37 am
by jonesthecurl
jay_a2j wrote:A man died and went to heaven. He stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh" said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible" said the man. "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life." "Where's Obama's clock?" "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
See? Obama can even provide a green power source in Heaven. That shoulda been his election slogan - "Jesus is cool. Thanks to Obama."
Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:38 am
