Conquer Club

While checking out at my local dollar store earlier this week I mistook the "telltale" blushing of the teller as a stimulus response to my viperesque pheromones only to discover that, after sleazily demanding her digits, she was merely allergic to my baby powder purchase and repulsed by the prospect. Then, earlier today, upon hearing my local bank teller announce that she was "glad to see me..." I instantaneously hopped the counter to embrace her, only to find I had miscalculated a segue to an overdraft fee as an open invitation.

Suffice it to say, during the cruiser-ride to my local PD, I pondered: "Am I the only one who makes such seemingly obvious oversights or is every swinging dick subject to such regularly humbling, yet highly titillating, humiliation?

Sounds like there was very little titillating going on after all!

we've all been there, terrance...
lord knows i have...

the punchline to one of these:

'turns out, it was just a really bad yeast infection'.

Sounds like a case of bad parenting.

I thought I could smell grilled cheese when she opened the door?

khazalid wrote:'turns out, it was just a really bad yeast infection'.

My signal receiver is too broken to even recognize attraction is a thing in the first place.
When I was a teenager, I got a lacy, home-made valentine from a girl at school that said "I love you" on it, and all I thought at the time was "Gee, she must really like Valentine's Day"!

khazalid wrote:the punchline to one of these:

'turns out, it was just a really bad yeast infection'.

If you're referring to a woman in my presense groping at her own vagina in an attempt to relieve an itch she can't scratch, I believe I might have a full-out epileptic fit.

I got laryngitis from a misread signal once.

I was playing golf and when I teed off on a par 5 I shanked that bitch right into the woods. So I go looking for my ball and I run into this lady. I get to talking to her and come to find out she lost her ball as well and was looking for it. So I tell her I'm going off in this direction and if I see her ball I'll let her know.

So I'm trudging around in the woods and I come across a dead cow (don't ask me how it got there, I have no idea). I poke around the dead cow for a minute and right in the cow's vagina is a golf ball, but it isn't my ball.
So I call for the lady, she comes over. I lift up the cows tail and I say-
"Does this look anything like yours?"

And she hit me in the throat with her nine iron!

Talk about a misread!

I was golfing and shanked one into the backyard of a house in the subdivision along the course. I walk up to the fence and see my ball on the ground and the homeowner reclining in a lawn chair reading a book.

I said "Excuse me sir, would you mind tossing my ball over the fence?"

He said "It's in my yard, it's my ball now."

So I pull another ball out of my pocket and throw it over the fence and start to walk away.

He yells "What's that for?"

I turn and say "Every prick needs two balls."