Comcast: King of the Trolls - A Short Novella Written by zsp
Zack calls Dumb Local Comcast Guy on 07/06/15. Dumb Local Comcast Guy tells Zack the promotions he has running. Zack chooses promotion. Zack asks questions about the different DTAs (Digital Television Adapters) for second TV. Dumb Local Comcast Guy constantly interrupts Zack every time he talks and says there is no such thing as different DTAs. Zack currently has 2 different types of DTA's currently in his apartment that he used in previous apartment. Zack illustrates what they look like and explains their differences. Dumb Local Comcast Guy interrupts and states he has been an employee for 5 years and that he would know the equipment Comcast has. Zack gets exasperated and just chooses the equipment Dumb Local Comcast Guy tells him he should take. Dumb Local Comcast Guy asks when a good time would be for Nonexistent Technician to come out to install equipment and gives time slots. Zack picks 3pm-5pm on Wednesday, 07/08/15, and call ends. Dumb Local Comcast Guy later sends an email requesting some personal information for account. Zack responds with answers to said questions, links to separate DTAs proving their existences, and asks a set of questions about the service. Dumb Local Comcast Guy responds that each type of DTA is the same price, thus proving that he is not as knowledgeable as he thinks he is. (Zack paid different prices for different DTAs just a month ago, but this is a conversation for a different day.) Dumb Local Comcast Guy then proceeds to spam Zack's email with 5 separate emails, answering each question that Zack asked in one-lined sentences in separate emails.
Zack wants to kick dumb Local Comcast Guy in the groin.
Dumb Local Comcast Guy sends a confirmation email at 4:30pm 07/07/15 (the following afternoon) that a technician will be coming between 7am-9am the next morning on Wednesday, 07/08/15. Zack frantically schedules to use time at work to have the next morning off to be available for Nonexistent Technician. Zack wakes up early to prepare for Nonexistent Technician's arrival. No one has showed so Zack calls 1-800-COMCAST at 8:45am to inquire if Nonexistent Technician will be coming before 9am. Stupid Call Center Guy asks for account information and then says that he checked the GPS of Nonexistent Technician's truck and saw that he was on the street that Zack resides and that Nonexistent Technician will be there shortly. An hour later, at 9:45am, Nonexistent Technician still had not showed up and Zack calls 1-800-COMCAST again to inquire about Nonexistent Technician's location. Relatively Friendly Comcast Lady asks for account information; Zack responds with info. Relatively Friendly Comcast Lady states that she does not see this address on account nor does she see that an appointment has been scheduled between 7am-9am, but rather outside maintenance was scheduled sometime during the day. Zack asks to speak with Supervisor. Relatively Friendly Comcast lady states that Supervisor is going to say the same thing anyway.
Zack didn't ask for Relatively Friendly Comcast Lady's input at that point.
Zack again asks for a supervisor. Zack is connected with Supervisor who states that she doesn't see that an appointment has ever been scheduled for the morning. Supervisor assures that Different Technician will come by noon. By this time, Zack was supposed to be at work.
Zack calls 1-800-COMCAST at noon since Different Technician never showed. Third Comcast Call Center person states that Supervisor scheduled appointment for tomorrow, 07/09/15 at noon, not today, 07/08/15, at noon.
Zack silently rages.
Zack asks for Different Supervisor. Zack is put on hold for 10 minutes to finally hear that there are no supervisors available and that one would call by 12:30. Call ends. 1pm arrives with no call from Different Supervisor.
Zack is now visualizing Comcast burning down to the ground at this point.
Zack prepares to go to work and leaves at 1:45pm. Zack's cell phone rings at 1:50pm while on his way to work. Different Technician is on the phone stating that he is at the apartment ready to install.
Zack nearly drives into a house in a state of baffled shock.
Zack calls his supervisor and tells her he won't be coming in at all today and returns home.
Zack returns to apartment to see that Different Technician is not there. Zack calls Different Technician to find out that he accidentally went to a different apartment. Finally Different Technician arrives. Now Different Technician is currently installing equipment.
Zack is currently plotting and imaging the worst possible scenarios for poor Different Technician.
*30 minutes later, Different Technician is on a ladder outside Zack’s building right at Zack’s living room window. Zack immediately sees an opportune moment to rid the world of a Comcast employee.
