Conquer Club

"Across his beam there was sufficient space to inscribe the entire history of the British Navy."

(from a novel the name of which, sadly, eludes my recall)

Seems like I've typed this here before...hmmmm....but...

He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

Always loved that one...

Couple beers short of a six pack

Lights are on, but nobody is home

Wheels spinnin, but the hamster is dead

There's light in the tunnel, but no train is coming

Elevator doesn't go all the way up

Proof that evolution can go backwards

IQ matches the room temperature

Uses [his] head to keep rain out of [his] neck

So dense, light bends around [him]

Dumber than a box of rocks. Dumber than a second coat of paint. Dumber than a box of hair.

Not the brightest star in the sky. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Not the brightest crayon in the box.

If he had a brain, it'd be lonely.

Fell from the stupid tree, and hit every stupid branch on the way down

About as intelligent as gardening tools

An argument for the use of birth control

Has a scratch on his disc

Chimney is clogged

Can't tell which way the elevator is going with two guesses

Doesn't have a farts prayer in a hurricane

Brain of a science fiction novel

Can hear the ocean by standing next to him

Forgot to pay the brain bill

Can only type in uppercase

Mouth breather. Professional window licker

A lobotomy would be an improvement

Has a pet rock

Pisses against the wind

A few sandwiches shy of a picnic.

They couldn't organize a drunk up in a brewery with a bottle of whiskey in each hand.

I suppose this one might be disqualified but.. He has some personality deficiencies, he couldn't get a whore to touch his dick if it was wrapped in hundred dollar bills.

Let us play horse. I will play the front end and you just play yourself.

The best at this is Foghorn Leghorn, hands down.

My dad used to have a series of insults whichy went like this:
If his brains were made of x, he wouldn't have enough to....

e.g.
If his brains were made of gunpowder, he wouldn't have enough to muss his hair.
If his brains were made of ink, he wouldn't have enough for a full stop.

If his brains were made of brains, he would be virtually brainless.

(uncivilized bachelor daddy)

-TG