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Life: for beginners

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Life: for beginners

Postby saxitoxin on Sat Jan 22, 2022 4:06 am

It's become apparent that the incels and jimcels don't know enough about basic living to graduate to ram's advanced course in putang. Here I will give you advice and answer your questions about any general skill or matter.
Pack Rat wrote:if it quacks like a duck and walk like a duck, it's still fascism

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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby saxitoxin on Sat Jan 22, 2022 4:10 am

If a dog is attacking a friend or loved one, grab it by the hinders and lift. It will get unbalanced and confused and stop the attack. Then, wheel it around in a circle by the hinders until it collapses. Then throw it in a nearby lava pit.

CAUTION: This doesn't work on pit bulls since they have lockjaw. For pitbulls, grab the throat and press to force them to release. Then, lava pit.
Pack Rat wrote:if it quacks like a duck and walk like a duck, it's still fascism

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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby saxitoxin on Sat Jan 22, 2022 4:17 am

First aid for a sucking chest wound (lung puncture) requires you to apply a bandage soaked in Vaseline. Use surgical tape applied to three sides only. This allows air to be expelled while preventing air from getting in. If the patient dies, roll the body into a nearby lava pit.
Pack Rat wrote:if it quacks like a duck and walk like a duck, it's still fascism

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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby saxitoxin on Sat Jan 22, 2022 4:23 am

If you plan to visit Ipswich, a good place to stay is the Pentahotel. It's reasonably priced, within walking distance of the train station, and recently refurbished. They have fast checkout so you don't need to return your key card to the front desk at the conclusion of your stay. You can either recycle it or throw it into a nearby lava pit.
Pack Rat wrote:if it quacks like a duck and walk like a duck, it's still fascism

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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby DirtyDishSoap on Sat Jan 22, 2022 4:46 am

How can i throw a lava pit into a lava pit?
Dukasaur wrote:
saxitoxin wrote:taking medical advice from this creature; a morbidly obese man who is 100% convinced he willed himself into becoming a woman.

Your obsession with mrswdk is really sad.

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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby The ram on Sat Jan 22, 2022 6:09 am

I always wondered if the tardis had a toilet or did the doctor travel back in time to a time before he needed a number 2?
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby jusplay4fun on Sat Jan 22, 2022 7:47 am

What if I am not near a lava pit?
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby Serbia on Sat Jan 22, 2022 9:16 am

Are lava pits the answer to life?
CONFUSED? YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU'RE RIPE
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may not be a PRUDE, but he's gotta 'TUDE
might not be LEWD, but he's gonna get BOOED
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Postby 2dimes on Sat Jan 22, 2022 10:14 am

The ram wrote:I always wondered if the tardis had a toilet or did the doctor travel back in time to a time before he needed a number 2?


He might go straight to the Temple Square visitor center in Salt Lake City, Utah, United States of America. They have extrodinary public men's room facilities.

I can't compare it to Japan though, as I never made it there. I hear some of them are pretty luxurious.
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby Dukasaur on Sat Jan 22, 2022 10:44 am

Is this the Lava Tory?
“‎Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
― Voltaire
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Postby 2dimes on Sat Jan 22, 2022 11:05 am

9.7
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby saxitoxin on Sat Jan 22, 2022 12:49 pm

On a first date, set the alarm on your phone to ring after 30 minutes. Match the alarm to your ring tone. When it goes off, pretend you are answering a phone call. If the date isn't going well, you can tell her you've been urgently called away and have to leave. This will save you time from having to finish a date that's not going anywhere. If you don't have a mobile phone, then suggest a midnight swim at a nearby lava pit but insist she takes the first dip. Then you can leave without an awkward conversation.
Pack Rat wrote:if it quacks like a duck and walk like a duck, it's still fascism

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=241668&start=200#p5349880
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby saxitoxin on Sat Jan 22, 2022 12:54 pm

Avoid identity theft by using a shredder to destroy all your old bank statements. If you don't have a shredder, you can use a pair of scissors.
Pack Rat wrote:if it quacks like a duck and walk like a duck, it's still fascism

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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby Maxleod on Sat Jan 22, 2022 1:35 pm

saxitoxin wrote:Avoid identity theft by using a shredder to destroy all your old bank statements. If you don't have a shredder, you can use a pair of scissors.


Or maybe just throw them into the lava pit in your garden? Besides, a shredder wouldn't be enough, in Batman returns, Penguin put shredded documents back together.
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby DirtyDishSoap on Sat Jan 22, 2022 5:16 pm

The lack of lava pits in these recent tips is both sad and infuriating.

1/10 thread. Slap the fail button on this and lock it away.
Dukasaur wrote:
saxitoxin wrote:taking medical advice from this creature; a morbidly obese man who is 100% convinced he willed himself into becoming a woman.

Your obsession with mrswdk is really sad.

ConfederateSS wrote:Just because people are idiots... Doesn't make them wrong.
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby Dukasaur on Sat Jan 22, 2022 7:15 pm

DirtyDishSoap wrote:The lack of lava pits in these recent tips is both sad and infuriating.

1/10 thread. Slap the fail button on this and lock it away.


Your mother’s a lava pit.
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby DirtyDishSoap on Sat Jan 22, 2022 7:23 pm

Yeah? Your dads lava pit is violated every day by Ram.
Dukasaur wrote:
saxitoxin wrote:taking medical advice from this creature; a morbidly obese man who is 100% convinced he willed himself into becoming a woman.

Your obsession with mrswdk is really sad.

ConfederateSS wrote:Just because people are idiots... Doesn't make them wrong.
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby Pilgrim24 on Sun Jan 23, 2022 12:04 am

saxitoxin wrote:If a dog is attacking a friend or loved one, grab it by the hinders and lift. It will get unbalanced and confused and stop the attack. Then, wheel it around in a circle by the hinders until it collapses. Then throw it in a nearby lava pit.

CAUTION: This doesn't work on pit bulls since they have lockjaw. For pitbulls, grab the throat and press to force them to release. Then, lava pit.


Would this work on blood sucking lawyers I see on tv?
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby jusplay4fun on Sun Jan 23, 2022 1:03 am

Dukasaur wrote:Is this the Lava Tory?


That is a GOOD one, Duk. =D> :D =D>
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby jusplay4fun on Sun Jan 23, 2022 1:09 am

saxitoxin wrote:Avoid identity theft by using a shredder to destroy all your old bank statements. If you don't have a shredder, you can use a pair of scissors.


That may work for "paper hacking" that was much more widespread some 20-25 years ago. I think most criminals and scammers found that online hacking, scams, and criminal activity :evil: were much more "productive" and much more profitable for them.

Label this as a FAILED TIP, especially since saxi did not say throw anything into a lava pit in this tip. :evil: :twisted: :?
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Re: Life: for beginners

Postby 2dimes on Thu Feb 10, 2022 10:12 am

I suspect he figured a child and even most incels, could figure out a lava pit would obviously be much better than, either scissors or an electric shredder for destroying documents, provided one is near enough to where you keep your files.

His advice is solid in my case, we have a shredder in my wife's house, which is currently located a long distance from a lava pit.
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