I saw my neighbour shouting into his colander this afternoon. I said don't do that, you'll strain your voice.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2023 7:32 pm
by Dukasaur
bigtoughralf wrote:I saw my neighbour shouting into his colander this afternoon. I said don't do that, you'll strain your voice.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2023 9:19 pm
by Votanic
One of my teachers in school had crossed eyes. She couldn’t control her pupils. She was only an assistant teacher because she needed supervision. Then her husband left her. He found out she was seeing somebody on the side. They tried to get back together but just couldn’t see eye-to-eye.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2023 10:13 pm
by ConfederateSS
-------There is a saying, water off a duck's back(remember the up coming joke)...Gutfeld even made a French Army surrender joke...I Have a friend who is Polish, proud of it...His daughter was in college, her professor (tested her)...Called her a Polack..."Did that offend you???",he asked..."No", she said...Her Father always calls her that, when she screws something up...Her liberal professor trying to shake things up...Sad... ...Lucky she was raised to laugh... ------- We have all heard the Polish light bulb jokes(not sure if they work with The New Math being taught in American Public Schools...)...
------- Anyway picture 2 mountains(The joke is better if drawn why telling)...There is a whore house on top of one mountain.... Coming down the Mountain is a man, A Finn,He's Finished...On top at the whore house...Is a Himalayan man,Him's a laying... ... Coming up the mountain is a Russian man, He is Russing to the top...Then there is a Polish man, His (you can use the professor's word), on the wrong mountain... ...... ConfederateSS.out!(The Blue and Silver Rebellion)... ...You wanted the joke thread back Duk...The World needs laughter...All kinds...
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2023 10:53 am
by DirtyDishSoap
Vampire walks into a bar and orders a hot glass of water. Bartender asks "why a hot glass of water?" The vampire pulls out a bloody tampon and says "I'm making tea!"
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2023 12:13 pm
by Dukasaur
Did you hear about the fashion designer who worked with a fusion of styles from India and Indonesia?
This works better as a verbal joke, but damn....still....
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
*mike drop*
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2023 10:53 am
by Pack Rat
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2023 1:52 pm
by Dukasaur
KoolBak wrote:This works better as a verbal joke, but damn....still....
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
*mike drop*
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2023 9:22 am
by Dukasaur
Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2023 11:10 am
by Pack Rat
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2023 8:06 pm
by ConfederateSS
------For Christmas....and Santa Claus.... ------- What do Elves learn in school???....The ELF-abet...
------- What is the difference between, The English alphabet and The Christmas (used at the North Pole) alphabet???....The Christmas alphabet has NO "L"... ... ConfederateSS.out!(The Blue and Silver Rebellion)... ----- MERRY CHRISTMAS C.C.LAND ...
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2023 8:33 pm
by DirtyDishSoap
Bit of a winded joke but here ya go.
Lady shows up to the butcher shop and notices some fish she's never seen. "Scuse me, what kind of fish is that?" "That's some dam fish" "Im a Christian! I can't be using that kind of language!" "Ma'am, it's fish they caught at the dam. Dam fish is what it's called" "Oh." Feeling embarrassed. "I'll take some of the fish then."
She goes home, starts making dinner for the family when her husband comes home. "That smells pretty good! What did you get?" "Some dam fish from the butchers" "HONEY! We're Christians! We can't use that kind of language! " "No no sweetie, its fish from the dam. They call it dam fish" "Ohh..." feeling also embarrassed. "Well, it smells great!"
Family gathers around, says their grace and the husband chimes in "honey, could you please pass me some dam fish?" A brief moment of silence and their son has this big beaming smile on his face. "Right on Dad. Hey mom! Pass me some of those fucking potatoes!"
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2023 10:31 pm
by Votanic
I just made this on up all by myself while puttering around the house today!
Q: Have you ever seen an Abominable Snowman?
A: Not Yeti.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2023 12:43 am
by Dukasaur
Nice!
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2023 7:51 am
by KoolBak
What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bigtuffralph can't take a joke.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2023 11:58 am
by Pack Rat
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2023 4:30 pm
by bigtoughralf
I see KB's started on the Christmas sherries already. Enjoy the break!
What do you call an Italian man who's great at keeping secrets? Donatello.
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2023 4:45 pm
by ConfederateSS
--------This time , This joke , visualize is key...Picture A Snowman and A Snowwoman ... -------- You know how a snowman is built... Remember, picture it...
-------- The Snowwoman says , "I baked you a carrot cake for your birthday..."... -------- The Snowman says, "But I don't eat boogers...".... ... ConfederateSS.out!(The Blue and Silver Rebellion)...
Re: Joke thread
Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2024 5:41 pm
by daddy1gringo
What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?