Funkyterrance's Free Palmistry Thread

[Funkyterrance]

"Come, step into my gypsy tent and allow me to divulge information about you that I have no other way of knowing but from the tapping of the other realm..."

Sit down and I'll tell you something about yourself that I should have no way of knowing. If you volunteer, please refrain from asking where I get my information because the answer will always be: "It just comes to me"

Who's first?

[Symmetry]

Why was Palmistry banned? I hate the mods.

[Funkyterrance]

Why was Palmistry banned? I hate the mods.

Would you like a free reading or are you just loitering?

[notyou2]

You can't see people's palms unless they post pics. How does this work without palms?

[Funkyterrance]

You can't see people's palms unless they post pics. How does this work without palms?

Ever heard of suspension of disbelief?

*grabs notyou2's hand before he can leave*

Ahh, yes...
You frequently over-wipe, causing chronic irritation.

Next please.

[notyou2]

You can't see people's palms unless they post pics. How does this work without palms?

Ever heard of suspension of disbelief?

*grabs notyou2's hand before he can leave*

Ahh, yes...
You frequently over-wipe, causing chronic irritation.

Next please.

How do I minimize this irritation?

[Funkyterrance]

You can't see people's palms unless they post pics. How does this work without palms?

Ever heard of suspension of disbelief?

*grabs notyou2's hand before he can leave*

Ahh, yes...
You frequently over-wipe, causing chronic irritation.

Next please.

How do I minimize this irritation?

Damn it notyou, I'm a palmist not a doctor!
And it's one reading per customer I'm afraid so would you please make your way to the back of the room? I've got some hand lotion in my purse if you're really flaring up.

[john9blue]

what is my favorite color?

[AndyDufresne]

Are we supposed to ask you a question, or do you just look into our monkey palms?


--Andy

[Funkyterrance]

Are we supposed to ask you a question, or do you just look into our monkey palms?


--Andy

*has one of his servants bring john9blue to the back of the line*

Well, hey there little guy!
That's very polite of you to ask for clarification instead of belching questions off the bat. *pats andy's head*
Yes, I look into your palm and tell you something insightful that I have no way of knowing. Ready for your reading? Ok, good. *grasps andy's hand and has a look* Your hands are very soft for an ape, that helps with the reading. *Rubs temples(mine not andy's)*


You aren't getting enough fiber, I suggest you eat more fruit.

Next, please.

[AndyDufresne]

I am eating some banana pudding right now actually. Does that count for anything?


--Andy

[BigBallinStalin]

I am eating some banana pudding right now actually. Does that count for anything?


--Andy

*pushes FT outta his comfy chair*

Hey, you already got your Palmistry Treatment, so pay up.

[Funkyterrance]

I am eating some banana pudding right now actually. Does that count for anything?


--Andy

*pushes FT outta his comfy chair*

Hey, you already got your Palmistry Treatment, so pay up.

Ok, you're here so I may as well do you next. *shoves bbs into the chair roughly and gives his palm a quick once-over, scowling slightly*

You are partial to egg mcmuffins with sausage.

Next!

[notyou2]

Saxi asked me to ask you if you will read his palm, and AoG is after Saxi.

[jonesthecurl]

How long ago did I last charge for a palm-reading?

[Funkyterrance]

Saxi asked me to ask you if you will read his palm, and AoG is after Saxi.

Oh, I'm sooo sure.
Tell them to get their skinny asses in here themselves if that's the case.
Now get back away from my ear, notyou, your breath smells like onions.

[Haggis_McMutton]

Ok, you're here so I may as well do you next. *shoves bbs into the chair roughly and gives his palm a quick once-over, scowling slightly*

You are partial to egg mcmuffins with sausage.

Next!

Dammit BBS, you promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that torrid night.

[Funkyterrance]

*Excuses himself from current reading, stands up at table with arms oustretched, raising his voice in a composed manner*

Ok, now everybody listen up.

There's been a little too much hanging about in here. *glares about the riff-raff peppered crowd* I'm willing to give free readings but I'm not giving away free heat and every time someone opens the flap I lose about a dollar's worth of propane. Now if you are here for a reading I will be happy to do so in the order in which requested *points to line formed along the wall* but if you set foot in this tent you must first be explicit whether or not you want a free reading or if you're just contributing to the already nearly overwhelming body odor that has filled this tent.

[john9blue]

i still haven't gotten my free reading yet and i used deodorant this morning so you have no excuses

[Funkyterrance]

i still haven't gotten my free reading yet and i used deodorant this morning so you have no excuses

Hmm, yes I suppose you have been waiting somewhat patiently... come on up.
*removes pokemon gloves from john's hands*

Ahh yes... In a past life you were the Great Imperator Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus Divi Filius Augustus's plumber.

Next, please.

[Dukasaur]

How long ago did I last charge for a palm-reading?

What did you last charge for a palm "reading" with a happy ending?

[jonesthecurl]

How long ago did I last charge for a palm-reading?

What did you last charge for a palm "reading" with a happy ending?

FT can you keep the rabble quiet while I'm waiting?

[Funkyterrance]

How long ago did I last charge for a palm-reading?

What did you last charge for a palm "reading" with a happy ending?

FT can you keep the rabble quiet while I'm waiting?

No need, mr. curl, you're up!
*grasps jonesy's hand, once he's seated*

Hmm... the reading is unclear....
*reaches under table, produces a cup of soapy water and a razor*
*shaves jonesy's exceedingly hairy palms*

Ahh, much better. *gazes off into space... shakes head to come out of trance*

You sometimes "forget" to wear underwear under your wardrobe during your performances, especially those wardrobes borrowed from the costumes room.

Next, please.