What Would You Do?

[Maugena]

Say you've been talking and hanging out with a girl that seems like she's genuinely sincere and heart felt, has many similar interests as you, you find her attractive enough and trusts you with some pretty heavy secrets.
Say one night after having stayed at your place until 4 am something in the morning, she leaves.
She texts you asking if you're in bed yet, you say no because you're waiting on her to get home safely.
She says that she's going to drop some food off at a friends place and then go straight home.
You ask her how she feels about you and she says that she's starting to fall for you but wants to take it slow.
You fall asleep after a few more reassuring texts that things are going well between the two of you.
You have a pretty good day the next day and the girl wants to hang out with you again later that day.
You agree.
She comes over and starts off by asking if you can keep a secret.
You say you can but state that she doesn't have to tell you anything if she doesn't want to.
She tells you that she had been raped by her supposed friend after having hung out with you just last night.
She doesn't actually know for sure if anything happened.
She remembers that he was being aggressive and that she told him that she's in a committed relationship.
She said only that she remembers waking up him being on top of her, getting off and telling her that he didn't cum inside of her and that she should clean herself up.
She had been prescribed sleep medication because she had been getting hardly any sleep for the past month and actually fell asleep at the wheel because of her lack of sleep and crashed her car about a month earlier.
She had taken said medication when she went over to this friend's house and is why she claims she was unconscious during the supposed rape.
Her friend took her to a convenience store to get Plan B just in case so she wouldn't get pregnant.
She said that she didn't feel anything - as if they didn't have intercourse.
You asked her if she was sexually active, she says no.
You know that frequently a sexually inactive woman would know whether or not she's had sex if she did because she would feel a difference.
She said that she had blood tests and what-not today to make sure that she didn't get anything.
(You find out a couple weeks later that she "meant" that she checked herself out and took the Plan B - essentially lying about getting checked out for STD's or pregnancy.)
On top of that, she seems incredibly more concerned with having gotten into the car accident a month ago than having been raped. She didn't even get hurt in the crash and the car had been fixed for some time.
She really didn't come off like she was affected by the rape in the slightest.

Would you trust this girl?
Would you continue to try to pursue a relationship with this girl?
If so, how would you go about it?

[BigBallinStalin]

Is she taking her 'friend' to court?

[Maugena]

Is she taking her 'friend' to court?

Don't know yet.

[Funkyterrance]

So are you saying she lied to you? If so, I wouldn't trust her yet. It's pretty hard to say not knowing the person though, she may be more honest when you get to know her better. Going to have to use your better judgment bub. I wouldn't just chuck her or "keep your distance" on suspicions though.

[BigBallinStalin]

If she did, that would reveal to me a more upstanding feature of her character, and to me mental perseverance and a commitment to justice are valuable. I don't know either of y'all well, so I can't really say what you should do, but since you asked...

If you're a stable enough person, then you can carry her through this problem without burdening yourself too much. If you succeed, then y'all's relationship will strengthen (assuming she can recover enough from the rape, and if you're patient and capable enough to heal her). Also, if you continue with her, just be more alert because that event to me is a red flag.*

*To be harsh, I'm not implying she's a bad person, but in my opinion certain people have certain deficiencies which render them more likely to experience bad situations. Being able to detect bad characters and to avoid associating with them (e.g. her friend) is simply a good trait. Lacking that to me is burdensome because 'bailing out' someone continuously isn't healthy.

And as always, "what's your opportunity cost?" Have you got any other wimminz you've been seeing, and do they seem better? If not, then carry on with the one you've got. If it becomes too much for you, you can always leave, but at least you'll have had the trial-and-error to learn from.

[nietzsche]

I'm going to be a jerk here.

I know in the states the girl might be dancing naked in front of you, rubbing her pussy in your face and saying she wants to be fucked, but if she at any moment, any moment, she whispers "no", it's rape.


But why the f*ck are girls getting in those situations?


I'm not saying that's the case with Maugena's friend, but why did she go to a friend's place in 4am in the morning and stayed there?


Maugena, it's impossible to give you advice without knowing the girl, that's really up to you, you have got to make the judgement. But it looks like you shouldn't be considering her for anything serious, but I could be totally mistaken, it could have been that she really fell asleep without any intentions, her judgement clouded by the meds, and she's actually a victim.

First of all, value yourself, love yourself 100%, then from there you can make any decision. Don't make a decision that will cause you look down on yourself.

If you decide to move away from that relationship, f*ck her first. (Just kidding).

[BigBallinStalin]

Regarding her lie, it's understandable because it's such a shameful experience, and the fear of actually discovering that you're infected is enough to opt for the "ignorance is bliss" option. I'm not sure how long you've known her, so it may be the case that she's not particularly quick to fully trust you with the truth.

Go on some blogs/forums about rape victims and ask them how you should play this out (because I'm not sure if insisting on her taking him to court would do more harm than good).


"Would you trust this girl?"
Instead, I'd ask myself: "what would I trust this girl with?" Trust depends on the value of the particular information or task at hand, so start with small things and be very alert to failure. If you spot a bad pattern, then it's time to get outta there. Also, match your expectations correctly. For me, when first meeting people, I keep low expectations and extend very little trust on more important matters.

So, play it case-by-case, be alert, and keep your bags packed--ready to leave if need be. Over time, you'll know whether or not you should unpack more or less.

Good luck!

[Symmetry]

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

[muy_thaiguy]

2 main scenarios could be at play here.

1. She could be telling the truth (most victims are raped by someone they know, fact) and she's being honest, in which case shows strong character on her part and wants to be upfront with you. In which case, the fucktard who raped her should be brought to court to face justice and she could use all the support she can get.

Or

2. She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

[Symmetry]

She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

The Steubenville gambit. Interesting.

[nietzsche]

2. She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

That's the first thing that came to my mind.

[Symmetry]

2. She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

That's the first thing that came to my mind.

So, just to clarify. A woman tells you that she was the victim of a horrific crime, and your first thought was about whether she was worth a long term relationship?

[2dimes]

When Symm is the voice of reason I'm going to have to say you guys might be in trouble.

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

So where's the, "Invite her over for nap time with her medication tray." Option?

[nietzsche]

2. She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

That's the first thing that came to my mind.

So, just to clarify. A woman tells you that she was the victim of a horrific crime, and your first thought was about whether she was worth a long term relationship?

Based on Maugena's story, I'd draw that conclusion, based mainly in:

She went to the guys place at 4am.
She slept there.
She says she's not sure she was raped, but the guy was on her blah blah.
She was not really stressed by the fact.
And the rest, I just remembered it's you Symmetry and no matter what response I give you you'll have a come back and we'll go on in this forever.

Basically, according the story I read, muythaiguy nailed it.

And that's using my male judgement. Because when we are in a relationship with a girl we can't accept her having sex with another guy. And Maugena's relationship with her was in courtship so it counts.


Using my detached judgement I would go with something like, hey, if she likes playing the risk, if she likes getting into those situations, that's her deal. It's not like we men don't do it whenever we have a chance. (Except Symmetry who being very sensitive would never ever cheat, not even in thought).

Drama Queens exist. I thought that girl was one, didn't say so, commented about it after muythaiguy brought it up.

For instance, if you were a woman Symmetry, you would be a drama queen.

[Symmetry]

When Symm is the voice of reason I'm going to have to say you guys might be in trouble.

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

So where's the, "Invite her over for nap time with her medication tray." Option?

Options for Mau include:

1) Don't report the crime to the police if it means she'll like you.
2) Talk to her, dude. Tell her that she's not displaying enough trauma for you.
3) Let her know that this isn't only about her. It's also about the people on the internet you decided to share this with.

[nietzsche]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soap opera based on their interaction.

[Symmetry]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soup opera based on their interaction.

"Soup" opera? Seriously?

[nietzsche]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soup opera based on their interaction.

"Soup" opera? Seriously?

very funny, changing my spelling.

[Symmetry]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soup opera based on their interaction.

"Soup" opera? Seriously?

very funny, changing my spelling.

I'm glad you made the changes and removed any overt racist comments. Maybe there's hope for you yet.

[nietzsche]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soup opera based on their interaction.

"Soup" opera? Seriously?

very funny, changing my spelling.

I'm glad you made the changes and removed any overt racist comments. Maybe there's hope for you yet.

....

[Symmetry]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soup opera based on their interaction.

"Soup" opera? Seriously?

very funny, changing my spelling.

I'm glad you made the changes and removed any overt racist comments. Maybe there's hope for you yet.

....

Are you ready to talk rationally?

[nietzsche]

4) Introduce her to Symmetry. Then write a soup opera based on their interaction.

"Soup" opera? Seriously?

very funny, changing my spelling.

I'm glad you made the changes and removed any overt racist comments. Maybe there's hope for you yet.

....

Are you ready to talk rationally?

bros before hos

[Symmetry]

bros before hos

You really consider rapists to be your "bros", and equate victims of rape to prostitutes?

[nietzsche]

bros before hos

You really consider rapists to be your "bros", and equate victims of rape to prostitutes?

lol, nice try

[Maugena]

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

Not actually in a relationship with her yet.
It also happened at the very beginning of this month - not yesterday.
Internet forums is useful because of anonymity.
Who the f*ck would you ask in real life about this type of shit that wouldn't cause problems for the girl?