What Would You Do?

[Maugena]

2 main scenarios could be at play here.

1. She could be telling the truth (most victims are raped by someone they know, fact) and she's being honest, in which case shows strong character on her part and wants to be upfront with you. In which case, the fucktard who raped her should be brought to court to face justice and she could use all the support she can get.

Or

2. She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

I think there actually may be a possibility that she likes being the victim...
She had been raped before (she apparently doesn't know how to say no/fend a guy off - very worrisome) and had complained about people giving her shit about a lot of things... so...

By the way let me state that I had been trying to get into a relationship with this girl for about two weeks prior to this supposed rape.
I am a little bit crazy for her... I really like spending time with her, have a few similar interests (I'd like to find out more), etc.
The point of going to the forums is to get advice as to whether or not this supposed rape is a red flag.

Also, thanks for the opinions guys, I'll get back to you when I have more time.

[Symmetry]

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

Not actually in a relationship with her yet.

Of course you're not. Maybe she caught that "I tell strange men on the internet about your rape" vibe. That can be a turn off, but chicks are crazy like that, know what I mean? This bro knows what I'm talkin' about.

It also happened at the very beginning of this month - not yesterday.

Who said it was yesterday? You sound a bit suspicious now.

Internet forums is useful because of anonymity.

You sound very suspicious now.

Who the f*ck would you ask in real life about this type of shit that wouldn't cause problems for the girl?

As your go to option for reporting rape is apparently the forum of an online gaming site based on the board game "Risk", I'm not even sure that my answer would make sense to you.

[nietzsche]

Maugena, before you answer Symmetry, let me warn you, you're about to go into deeeeeeeep deeeeeep shit.

It might be more challenging that the situation you are in right now with your friend.

There are no right answers to those questions, the best you can accomplish is.. well.. nothing... you are in deep shit my friend.

[Maugena]

Maugena, before you answer Symmetry, let me warn you, you're about to go into deeeeeeeep deeeeeep shit.

It might be more challenging that the situation you are in right now with your friend.

There are no right answers to those questions, the best you can accomplish is.. well.. nothing... you are in deep shit my friend.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell he's going on about.

[Maugena]

Of course you're not. Maybe she caught that "I tell strange men on the internet about your rape" vibe. That can be a turn off, but chicks are crazy like that, know what I mean? This bro knows what I'm talkin' about.

The f*ck?

Who said it was yesterday? You sound a bit suspicious now.
You sound very suspicious now.

The f*ck?
Just for reference, you came off like an asshole stating that this (going online for advice) is the first thing I'd do.

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

Stop being a fuckhead, thanks.

As your go to option for reporting rape is apparently the forum of an online gaming site based on the board game "Risk", I'm not even sure that my answer would make sense to you.

#1. You don't report rape FOR someone. It's up to the person that is raped. It's their problem that THEY need to deal with.
#2. Clearly the anonymity bit went sailing straight over your head. I don't want to ruin her life by letting any regular Joe I know, know about it so that it comes full circle and people she knows find out about it and give her hell.
#3. Off topic but I felt like I'd bring this up. Since when did you become such a bitch? Did all of the trolling and baiting that was going on between you and others finally make you snap? I remember a more sensible Symmetry with a respective yet differing opinion. What happened to that guy?

[Timminz]

Whatever you do, don't be the next one to rape her.

[Maugena]

If she did, that would reveal to me a more upstanding feature of her character, and to me mental perseverance and a commitment to justice are valuable. I don't know either of y'all well, so I can't really say what you should do, but since you asked...

Yeah, I really hope she does because I don't know how I'd feel like if she just let it go.
I would not, personally, accept an atrocity committed against me and I'd make sure that whoever did such a thing would see the error of his/her ways.

If you're a stable enough person, then you can carry her through this problem without burdening yourself too much. If you succeed, then y'all's relationship will strengthen (assuming she can recover enough from the rape, and if you're patient and capable enough to heal her). Also, if you continue with her, just be more alert because that event to me is a red flag.*

1st bold, yes, that's what I'd hope. 2nd bold, yes, I couldn't agree more.

*To be harsh, I'm not implying she's a bad person, but in my opinion certain people have certain deficiencies which render them more likely to experience bad situations. Being able to detect bad characters and to avoid associating with them (e.g. her friend) is simply a good trait. Lacking that to me is burdensome because 'bailing out' someone continuously isn't healthy.

Don't worry about being harsh... I have some serious doubts about her that are along the same exact lines. (Which I've already stated a few posts ago...)

And as always, "what's your opportunity cost?" Have you got any other wimminz you've been seeing, and do they seem better? If not, then carry on with the one you've got. If it becomes too much for you, you can always leave, but at least you'll have had the trial-and-error to learn from.

Yeah, there aren't any others and there haven't been many, either... :/
And good point.

So yeah, thanks a lot for the response, BBS. I appreciate it.
Sorry I didn't respond to you right away - I haven't had much time to give a serious response back. Plus Symmetry's got my goat.

[Maugena]

Whatever you do, don't be the next one to rape her.

I'm going to make sure of that. If we ever do get to that level, I'm going to ask her like a thousand times if she wants to or not right beforehand.

[Maugena]

Regarding her lie, it's understandable because it's such a shameful experience, and the fear of actually discovering that you're infected is enough to opt for the "ignorance is bliss" option. I'm not sure how long you've known her, so it may be the case that she's not particularly quick to fully trust you with the truth.

She did say that she thinks she'll be fine if she just ignores it...

Go on some blogs/forums about rape victims and ask them how you should play this out (because I'm not sure if insisting on her taking him to court would do more harm than good).

I guess I could do that. But yeah, I suppose it could cause her more harm...

"Would you trust this girl?"
Instead, I'd ask myself: "what would I trust this girl with?" Trust depends on the value of the particular information or task at hand, so start with small things and be very alert to failure. If you spot a bad pattern, then it's time to get outta there. Also, match your expectations correctly. For me, when first meeting people, I keep low expectations and extend very little trust on more important matters.

So, play it case-by-case, be alert, and keep your bags packed--ready to leave if need be. Over time, you'll know whether or not you should unpack more or less.

Good luck!

Thanks again man, you're awesome.

[saxitoxin]

I'm going to ask her like a thousand times if she wants to or not right beforehand.

TIME MACHINE TO MAUGENA'S FUTURE ...

[Phatscotty]

Drop it like its hot.

Girl is cray cray

[saxitoxin]

Drop it like its hot.

Girl is cray cray

Scott is dead-on correct.

If a girl is all like "so today I got some new shoes, had the oil in my car changed, got raped, picked up some bread from the store ..." and you're planning on dating her, you might as well start applying for Lacrosse scholarships right now.

[Phatscotty]

Drop it like its hot.

Girl is cray cray

Scott is dead-on correct.

If a girl is all like "so today I got some new shoes, had the oil in my car changed, got raped, picked up some bread from the store ..." and you're planning on dating her, you might as well start applying for Lacrosse scholarships right now.

Yeah dude you don't want to knock up somebody like that. Have more respect for your senem. But, if it's all you can get, try to poke her in the butt more.

[BigBallinStalin]

Regarding her lie, it's understandable because it's such a shameful experience, and the fear of actually discovering that you're infected is enough to opt for the "ignorance is bliss" option. I'm not sure how long you've known her, so it may be the case that she's not particularly quick to fully trust you with the truth.

She did say that she thinks she'll be fine if she just ignores it...

So, recall that I don't know much about rape victims, but if someone claims that they've been raped, yet they won't take the perp to court, then I'll have a reason to doubt her claims--of course, she may have been raped, but now it's a bit more difficult to believe.

If anything, the rapist should be taken to court. If not, he'll rape others, and she'll be partially responsible (since she failed to take him to court).

The easy way is to agree with her and then do nothing, which seems riskier in the long run but it could work out... The more difficult yet rewarding way is to go get better advice elsewhere to make an informed decision. For me, this is the most important thing you should be working on.

[BigBallinStalin]

Of course you're not. Maybe she caught that "I tell strange men on the internet about your rape" vibe. That can be a turn off, but chicks are crazy like that, know what I mean? This bro knows what I'm talkin' about.

The f*ck?

Who said it was yesterday? You sound a bit suspicious now.
You sound very suspicious now.

The f*ck?
Just for reference, you came off like an asshole stating that this (going online for advice) is the first thing I'd do.

I think you're doing the right thing already, I know that if a girl I was seeing told me that she'd been raped, my first reaction would be to log on to an internet forum and create a poll about whether I should dump her or not.

That's like relationship 101 right there.

Stop being a fuckhead, thanks.

As your go to option for reporting rape is apparently the forum of an online gaming site based on the board game "Risk", I'm not even sure that my answer would make sense to you.

#1. You don't report rape FOR someone. It's up to the person that is raped. It's their problem that THEY need to deal with.
#2. Clearly the anonymity bit went sailing straight over your head. I don't want to ruin her life by letting any regular Joe I know, know about it so that it comes full circle and people she knows find out about it and give her hell.
#3. Off topic but I felt like I'd bring this up. Since when did you become such a bitch? Did all of the trolling and baiting that was going on between you and others finally make you snap? I remember a more sensible Symmetry with a respective yet differing opinion. What happened to that guy?

I think we all miss that guy, but Sym's been going through something personally lately, so we'll just have to learn to deal with this shell of Symmetry.

[waauw]

simplest solution:
ask the girl to tell you who the guy is and that you are planning to confront him for his crimes. Based on the reactions she will show and the reactions of the other guy(if it gets to that), you'll know a whole lot more. Another option is just bring her along to the police station and see how she acts there.(or her parents, might have same effect)

2 main scenarios could be at play here.

1. She could be telling the truth (most victims are raped by someone they know, fact) and she's being honest, in which case shows strong character on her part and wants to be upfront with you. In which case, the fucktard who raped her should be brought to court to face justice and she could use all the support she can get.

Or

2. She could be a drama queen who says things like this in order to make herself the center of attention. In which case, that's a big red flag. Those type of relationships never end well. A lot of frustration, yelling at eachother, and other things which could very wel escalate.

You forget the 3rd scenario: The girl is completely delusional. In that case she should be in a mental institute and this should be reported to her parents.

[Gillipig]

I can't tell you what you should do only what I would do. The girl is too unstable for me, dealing with a girl who is wandering off in the middle of the night to a male "friend" for some bullshit reason and then on a side note claiming that she was raped by him, when they most likely just had sex, is not my cup of tea. Dump dumpidy dump dump.

[nietzsche]

I can't tell you what you should do only what I would do. The girl is too unstable for me, dealing with a girl who is wandering off in the middle of the night to a male "friend" for some bullshit reason and then on a side note claiming that she was raped by him, when they most likely just had sex, is not my cup of tea. Dump dumpidy dump dump.

Not you area of expertise Gillipig, she was not an elephant.

[Maugena]

So, recall that I don't know much about rape victims, but if someone claims that they've been raped, yet they won't take the perp to court, then I'll have a reason to doubt her claims--of course, she may have been raped, but now it's a bit more difficult to believe.

I actually looked a little bit up and apparently rape victims can be calm and detached... so shrug.
But yes it makes it seem less likely to make anyone believe her.

If anything, the rapist should be taken to court. If not, he'll rape others, and she'll be partially responsible (since she failed to take him to court).

Good point. I'll bring that up. I guess the main problem here, though, is that she claims to have been partially or fully unconscious for the deed because she essentially drugged herself. I don't know how you could prove that in court.
She didn't get herself checked out right away to boot - now they won't be able to take any DNA samples either, probably.

The easy way is to agree with her and then do nothing, which seems riskier in the long run but it could work out... The more difficult yet rewarding way is to go get better advice elsewhere to make an informed decision. For me, this is the most important thing you should be working on.

Basically I think I'm planning on continuing to be friends with her - try to woo her and if she goes for it I'm going to require that she be completely straightforward about it.
I figure it could be many things.

• Made up story to get me to stop trying to start a relationship with her.
• Made up story to get attention.
• Was upset with not having had sex with me that night, went to other guy, was disappointed and claimed it was rape to get attention.
• Made up story to see how I'd react.
• Made up story to hurt me.
• Went over there like a naive fool, took sleep medication while still not home yet and failed to remove self from situation immediately following the red flags (his aggressive behavior).

I've been thinking a lot more on this and the conclusion I've come to is this:
I can't continue trying to be in a relationship with her for several reasons.
1. She showed no concern about my feelings toward her at any point.
2. She showed no concern about how it would affect our relationship (that, yes, hasn't actually started but recall that text from that night).
3. She showed less concern about it than a car crash that was utterly uneventful and separately how her dad was upset with her for not calling him when she was brought to the hospital to get checked out. (She didn't get hurt and the car was fixed withing two weeks.)
4. She could stand the sight of the guy that supposedly did it - she got Plan B with him afterwards.
5. Spent supposedly enough time to slip into unconsciousness and raped after having consumed a coffee from me after having slept through most of the movie we were watching maybe an hour earlier.
6. Did not remove herself from the situation immediately following the bastard's aggressive behavior.
7. Texted me at 4:06am saying that she would stop at a friends house, drop off some food and then go home and sleep. Last text from her was at 4:38am saying that my texts make her smile. She twitters at 5:04am, that she has finally seen the light and that "it's" on fire (WHATEVER THE f*ck THAT MEANS /angryjealousyifitiswhatIthinkitis) with a picture of what appears to be the sun. Twitters at 5:54 am that she's using a color scheme for her morning candy. (I hope to fucking god she's talking about actual candy and not Plan B.) Twitters at 6:14am, Facebook posts at 8:07am and 8:11am and then seems to be up for the entirety of the day.
(Message to Anyone: Yes, I checked this shit out because I want the goddamn truth, sue me for wanting to know - you'd probably do the same if you wanted to know what the situation was for a girl you really wanted to be with.)
8. Has been raped before and didn't do anything about it either, supposedly.
9. Submitted to having sex in previous relationships she was in even though she didn't want to. (She brought that up - probably just for me to feel sorry for her.)
10. Potentially likes being the victim.
11. Does not communicate well - I don't know what's going on more than half the time.

Also, she hasn't been on Facebook for like the past 7 days and has supposedly been doing nothing but sit at home - just changed her profile picture to her and another guy a little while ago. Looks like her brother but who knows. She also hasn't spoken or responded to anything I've sent her today. My jealousy is roaring right now. >_<;

Time to move on and say f*ck that bitch? QQ

[Symmetry]

I've been thinking a lot more on this and the conclusion I've come to is this:
I can't continue trying to be in a relationship with her for several reasons.
1. She showed no concern about my feelings toward her at any point.
2. She showed no concern about how it would affect our relationship (that, yes, hasn't actually started but recall that text from that night).
3. She showed less concern about it than a car crash that was utterly uneventful and separately how her dad was upset with her for not calling him when she was brought to the hospital to get checked out. (She didn't get hurt and the car was fixed withing two weeks.)
4. She could stand the sight of the guy that supposedly did it - she got Plan B with him afterwards.
5. Spent supposedly enough time to slip into unconsciousness and raped after having consumed a coffee from me after having slept through most of the movie we were watching maybe an hour earlier.
6. Did not remove herself from the situation immediately following the bastard's aggressive behavior.
7. Texted me at 4:06am saying that she would stop at a friends house, drop off some food and then go home and sleep. Last text from her was at 4:38am saying that my texts make her smile. She twitters at 5:04am, that she has finally seen the light and that "it's" on fire (WHATEVER THE f*ck THAT MEANS /angryjealousyifitiswhatIthinkitis) with a picture of what appears to be the sun. Twitters at 5:54 am that she's using a color scheme for her morning candy. (I hope to fucking god she's talking about actual candy and not Plan B.) Twitters at 6:14am, Facebook posts at 8:07am and 8:11am and then seems to be up for the entirety of the day.
(Message to Anyone: Yes, I checked this shit out because I want the goddamn truth, sue me for wanting to know - you'd probably do the same if you wanted to know what the situation was for a girl you really wanted to be with.)
8. Has been raped before and didn't do anything about it either, supposedly.
9. Submitted to having sex in previous relationships she was in even though she didn't want to. (She brought that up - probably just for me to feel sorry for her.)
10. Potentially likes being the victim.
11. Does not communicate well - I don't know what's going on more than half the time.

Also, she hasn't been on Facebook for like the past 7 days and has supposedly been doing nothing but sit at home - just changed her profile picture to her and another guy a little while ago. Looks like her brother but who knows. She also hasn't spoken or responded to anything I've sent her today. My jealousy is roaring right now. >_<;

Time to move on and say f*ck that bitch? QQ

I'm gonna go ahead and say I called Maugena's creepy rape shtick early.

[2dimes]

Does anyone else legitimately wonder if she told the other guy, Maugena raped her to see what his reaction was?

[Symmetry]

Does anyone else legitimately wonder if she told the other guy, Maugena raped her to see what his reaction was?

I don't trust Maugena at all on his entirely self-serving account.

[Gillipig]

I can't tell you what you should do only what I would do. The girl is too unstable for me, dealing with a girl who is wandering off in the middle of the night to a male "friend" for some bullshit reason and then on a side note claiming that she was raped by him, when they most likely just had sex, is not my cup of tea. Dump dumpidy dump dump.

Not you area of expertise Gillipig, she was not an elephant.

I don't think the text rules out that possibility. You'd be surprised about my areas of expertise hehe.

[BigBallinStalin]

I've been thinking a lot more on this and the conclusion I've come to is this:
I can't continue trying to be in a relationship with her for several reasons.
1. She showed no concern about my feelings toward her at any point.
2. She showed no concern about how it would affect our relationship (that, yes, hasn't actually started but recall that text from that night).
3. She showed less concern about it than a car crash that was utterly uneventful and separately how her dad was upset with her for not calling him when she was brought to the hospital to get checked out. (She didn't get hurt and the car was fixed withing two weeks.)
4. She could stand the sight of the guy that supposedly did it - she got Plan B with him afterwards.
5. Spent supposedly enough time to slip into unconsciousness and raped after having consumed a coffee from me after having slept through most of the movie we were watching maybe an hour earlier.
6. Did not remove herself from the situation immediately following the bastard's aggressive behavior.
7. Texted me at 4:06am saying that she would stop at a friends house, drop off some food and then go home and sleep. Last text from her was at 4:38am saying that my texts make her smile. She twitters at 5:04am, that she has finally seen the light and that "it's" on fire (WHATEVER THE f*ck THAT MEANS /angryjealousyifitiswhatIthinkitis) with a picture of what appears to be the sun. Twitters at 5:54 am that she's using a color scheme for her morning candy. (I hope to fucking god she's talking about actual candy and not Plan B.) Twitters at 6:14am, Facebook posts at 8:07am and 8:11am and then seems to be up for the entirety of the day.
(Message to Anyone: Yes, I checked this shit out because I want the goddamn truth, sue me for wanting to know - you'd probably do the same if you wanted to know what the situation was for a girl you really wanted to be with.)
8. Has been raped before and didn't do anything about it either, supposedly.
9. Submitted to having sex in previous relationships she was in even though she didn't want to. (She brought that up - probably just for me to feel sorry for her.)
10. Potentially likes being the victim.
11. Does not communicate well - I don't know what's going on more than half the time.

Also, she hasn't been on Facebook for like the past 7 days and has supposedly been doing nothing but sit at home - just changed her profile picture to her and another guy a little while ago. Looks like her brother but who knows. She also hasn't spoken or responded to anything I've sent her today. My jealousy is roaring right now. >_<;

Time to move on and say f*ck that bitch? QQ

I'm gonna go ahead and say I called Maugena's creepy rape shtick early.

The Shell of Symmetry. It's a sad, pathetic existence, but.... well, nevermind. Nothing positive comes to mind.

[BigBallinStalin]

Maugena, it looks like you're coming to the right decision. Forget about people like her and Symmetry, and your life will be less stressful.