"New Rule: Conservatives who love to brag about American exceptionalism must come here to California, and see it in person. And then they should be afraid — very afraid.
Because while the rest of the country is beset by stories of right-wing takeovers in places like North Carolina, Texas and Wisconsin, California is going in the opposite direction and creating the kind of modern, liberal nation the country as a whole can only dream about. And not only can’t the rest of the country stop us — we’re going to drag you along with us. …
It wasn’t that long ago that pundits were calling California a failed state and saying it was ungovernable. But… Without a Republican governor and without a legislature being cock-blocked by Republicans, a $27 billion deficit was turned into a surplus, continuing the proud American tradition of Republicans blowing a huge hole in the budget and then Democrats coming in and cleaning it up.
How was Governor Moonbeam able to do this? It’s amazing, really. We did something economists call cutting spending AND raising taxes. I know, it sounds like some crazy science fiction story, but you see, here in California, we’re not just gluten-free and soy-free and peanut-free, we’re Tea Party free! …
They can mock “European style democracies” all they want, we are building one here, and people like it — the same way when Americans come back from a vacation in Europe they all say the same thing: “Wow, you can see titties on the beach!” But they also remark on the clean air, the modern, first world infrastructure, the functioning social safety net, and bread that doesn’t taste like powdered glue. And they wonder, “Why can’t we get that here?” Unless they’re Republicans, in which case they wonder, “How can people live like that?” …
It’s so ironic — the two things conservatives love the most, the free market and states rights — are the two things that are going to bend this country into California’s image as a socialist fagtopia. Maybe our constipated Congress can’t pass gun control laws, but we just did. Lots of ‘em. Because we don’t give a shit about the NRA. Out here that stands for “Nuts, Racists, and Assholes.” So while the rest of America is debating whether it’s a good idea to allow guns in bars or a great idea to allow guns in bars, California is about to ban lead bullets. Which is a no-brainer, because bullets don’t need lead, and lead kills birds and gets into the food supply of people who hunt their own food. Which explains why Ted Nugent is such a raving lunatic.
While other state governments are working with Jesus to make abortion more miserable — because otherwise women would use it for weight loss — California is making it easier. We actually have a guy dancing on the street corner dressed as the Statue of Liberty spinning a big arrow that says, “Abortions!” And a new law will even let nurse practitioners perform abortions. And dog groomers can aid assisted suicides by Skype.
California was the first state to legalize medical marijuana, our minimum wage is almost three dollars higher than the national rate, and in 10 years a third of our electricity will come from renewable energy and 15 percent of our cars will be electric.
And while Republicans in the rest of the country are threatening to deport every immigrant not named Ted Cruz, California just OK’d driver’s licenses for undocumented aliens. That’s right, we’re letting them drive cars — just like white people! You Red Staters may ask, “How come they’re lettin’ Meskins drive?” Well, it’s because they have to get to their jobs. You see, here in California we’re embracing the modern world — we can’t be worrying about all the nonsense that keeps Fox News viewers up at night when they should be in bed adjusting their sleep apnea mask. Our state motto is, We’re Too Busy for Your Bullshit.”
It's that Bill Maher guy again with the straight skinny.
oVo 
