Army of GOD wrote:Like, think about it: we only get one of these shits. Everything you're doing with your life now, every decision you make...you only get to do once. There's no going back, there's no patching up mistakes.
I've never really had to worry about this stuff because I've lived a pretty easy life so far. White, middle class upbringing, got into an OK college and am now getting paid well at an easy job.
But like, think about the people who (a) willingly destroy their own lives or (b) involuntarily do. I find the notion of a murderer who spends their entire life in prison to be absolutely fascinating. Did they know what their decisions would lead to? If they did, did they just not care? Why would they ruin their one chance at existence? There is no next time, there is no second shot. Once you die, you fucking die. You're nothing but a memory and even then most people are forgotten after a few generations.
That's why I'm envious of the atheists who don't fear death. I'm hoping I'll eventually come to terms with the inevitability (or at least live long enough to be a part of the singularity) but the fact that I don't believe in god means every waking fucking moment on the earth is infinitely important.
I guess there's the notion of "living in fear of death isn't living" but that isn't something I can consciously flip in my head. I don't think I can, anyway. I wish I could and would love to do so, but right now I just try to live to extend my life for as long as I fucking can.
tl;dr - existentialism
It's only possible to not fear death from a rational standpoint. When confronted with death, i think, we all face a natural fear.
So, when you arrive to such fearlessness via reason, you are leaving aside the other part of you, the emotional part. I guess there's a third option, an integral approach at fearlessness. Must be a beautiful thing.
In any case, seems to me you started with a genuine wondering position, one to be personally appreciated, and then you let your irrantional being take you to a dark place. That is not a necessary conclussion.
When you let your mind wonder and go places, when you can feel you are moving your focus from yourself towards the cloud above your head, you can take it back to you. Simply be present in yourself, as full as you can, while at the same time keeping a wondering disposition. It can be done.
Full being here, and acknowledging all there is. All the posibilities. As soon as you do this, you start to feel a more empowering state of mind. But if what you want is a little despair, by all means go for it.
The mental paths are not rigid, you can try any combination that you wish, you just gotta take full responsibility of your being.
There are certaind emotional patterns that attract us to them over and over. We go there and we don't know why. If they become unpleasant, the key to trascend them is to acknowledge them, accept them as our present, explore them, feel them, they have no other power over us other than the power we concede them. Feeling them intensely while you feel also under control, you can sort of overpower such feeling, leaving it behind.
Don't never deny them, for they are a part of you, and by denying them you declare fear and powerlessness, accept them as your present to make them your past.
You don't ever make anything banish, you simply move ahead.
