Got this via email

[InkL0sed]

It wasn't a picture, and I couldn't find a link, so I just copied and pasted. Sorry for the bad formatting.

DEMOCRAT


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST


You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION


You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION


You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION


You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION


You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION


You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[Snorri1234]

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

Huh. Have you guys discovered a magical new capitalism or something?

[InkL0sed]

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

Huh. Have you guys discovered a magical new capitalism or something?

Apparently so...

[qeee1]

JOHNNYROCKET

You have two cows
You make a list of people who have the most cows

[MeDeFe]

JOHNNYROCKET

You have two cows
You make a list of people who have the most cows

You are at the top of all lists you make.

[qeee1]

SNAKEYSNAKEY

You have two cows
You get drunk with them and do things you regret
You post the results on an internet forum

[InkL0sed]

NAPOLEON IER

You have one cow.
You have an argument with it about ontology.
It disagrees with you and you call it names.
You no longer have a cow.

[Neoteny]

JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.

[InkL0sed]

JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.

EBWOP

[Neoteny]

It's true.

[Snorri1234]

NORSE

You have two cows
You kill them, eat them and blame the lack of cows on socialism.

[qeee1]

DIDDLE

You have two cows
You get banned for having more than 1 cow

[qeee1]

more like "more than than one accownt"

amirite?

[cena-rules]

apey

You have 2 cows
You rape them
They run away
You have no cows

[apey]

cena you have
one cow you hit on
it dies laughing
you have no cows

[hecter]

HIPPIES
You have two cows.
You sell the cows to buy drugs.
You're poor again.
You blame being poor on the capitalist pigs, who have all the cows.
You have a naked drum circle to protest.

[InkL0sed]

OLD PEOPLE

You have two cows.
They both die.

[Prestor Jack]

MEME

trade cows for magic beans
climb resulting beanstalk
??
profit

[InkL0sed]

MEME

trade cows for magic beans
climb resulting beanstalk
??
profit

This almost made me spit out my orange juice...

[Dancing Mustard]

WRESTLER1UMP

You have two cows.
One of the cows tells you that you are a moderator.
You try to ban the other cow from the field.
You have no power to do so.
The cows laugh at you... forever.

[jonesthecurl]

CONSPIRACY BUFFS

You have two cows.
Are they really cows?
Are they really yours?
Are you really a conspiracy buff?
Then it starts to get weird...

[jay_a2j]

JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.

Minor correction:

DEMOCRAT


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You sell your cows for crack and wait on the government to pay your rent and bills... in other words the cows are not desired if they equal what you earn.

[Nobunaga]

JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.

... x100

[timmyboz]

Apey, you have one cow, but a broken heart.
I give you my heart

[apey]

thnx but what makes you think I have a broken heart