SHORT STORY -SEE NEW THREAD
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got tonkaed
- Posts: 5034
- Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:01 pm
- Location: Detroit
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
oh my impatience. had i just waited two days i could have written an entirely different direction, but instead ive found away to do the same thing only differently.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
got tonkaed wrote:oh my impatience. had i just waited two days i could have written an entirely different direction, but instead ive found away to do the same thing only differently.
heheh .. what ya on about tonk?
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
“Good morning, Mr. Balinova. I’m terribly sorry, but - ” was all Dymock could say before he was interrupted.
“I’m sure you’re sorry, George. I bet you’re sorry for screwing my daughter too.” belched Balinova. Dymock wondered if the fat bastard knew “George” was servicing Balinova’s wife as well.
Balinova pulled out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Did you get it? Tell me you got it, George”. Dymock sighed. “Yes, we’ve got it. It didn’t come cheap though, right now we’re looking at an expenditure of –“
Balinova interrupted yet again. “That will be all, George. Don’t bore me with the details.” Balinova got up, looked at Dymock with the usual contempt and paced out of the room together with his assistant.
Dymock turned to his own assistant. “This always happens, don’t worry about it. Go outside and get some fresh air, I’ll clean up here first”. His assistant nodded and left in a hurry. The poor guy was visibly uncomfortable, but who could blame him?
He was almost done cleaning up when he heard the lock of the conference room doors snap into place. He turned around only to find the same busty waitress in front of the doors, eyeing him nervously. “What’s going on here?” he exclaimed.
She didn’t answer, but a sly smile appeared on her face. “What’s going on here?” he repeated. She flicked a hand through her long, red luscious hair. “Not much, yet…” she replied.
He was about to repeat his question for the third time when he noticed her erect nipples poking through her blouse. It was starting to look like his assistant was going to get plenty of fresh air.
“I’m sure you’re sorry, George. I bet you’re sorry for screwing my daughter too.” belched Balinova. Dymock wondered if the fat bastard knew “George” was servicing Balinova’s wife as well.
Balinova pulled out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Did you get it? Tell me you got it, George”. Dymock sighed. “Yes, we’ve got it. It didn’t come cheap though, right now we’re looking at an expenditure of –“
Balinova interrupted yet again. “That will be all, George. Don’t bore me with the details.” Balinova got up, looked at Dymock with the usual contempt and paced out of the room together with his assistant.
Dymock turned to his own assistant. “This always happens, don’t worry about it. Go outside and get some fresh air, I’ll clean up here first”. His assistant nodded and left in a hurry. The poor guy was visibly uncomfortable, but who could blame him?
He was almost done cleaning up when he heard the lock of the conference room doors snap into place. He turned around only to find the same busty waitress in front of the doors, eyeing him nervously. “What’s going on here?” he exclaimed.
She didn’t answer, but a sly smile appeared on her face. “What’s going on here?” he repeated. She flicked a hand through her long, red luscious hair. “Not much, yet…” she replied.
He was about to repeat his question for the third time when he noticed her erect nipples poking through her blouse. It was starting to look like his assistant was going to get plenty of fresh air.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
hehe welcome on-board brother Frop! The sex has finally arrived!
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Some seriously good reading material so far. This weeks vote is going to be very hard indeed. I want them all to continue...
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Fruitcake wrote:Some seriously good reading material so far. This weeks vote is going to be very hard indeed. I want them all to continue...
i think you could put your passage up without it compromising the later entries Fruit.. what do you think?
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Yep, I agree, so here it is:
_________________________________________________________________________________
Dymock launched into presentation mode, rationalising this, explaining that, itemising the other.
Balinova interrupted. “Just cut to the chase, show me what you got.”
“Well, it seems our target is worth some 200 million dollars, lives on a large purpose built 210 ft Palmer Johnson Yacht just off Acapulco. It is fitted with all early warning systems, SAM ground to air missiles, all the usual trappings of a man of his wealth…”
“Yeah yeah” interjected Balinova, not interested in hearing that this man was worth more then him…..”So can he be got at?”
“So what would you like to know?” asked Dymock irritated. This presentation had taken over 45 man hours, mainly his man hours, and it was being flushed down the toilet by this Russian ingrate.
“What do you mean what do I want to know?” said Balinova, starting to get riled, a feat which never took too much effort. “I want to know whether the man we have in the frame can be got at!!! That’s what we’re here for isn’t it?”
“Well I’m coming to that” said Dymock, reluctant to abandon several slides of meticulously gleaned data.
“Well for f*ck sakes come to it now” growled Balinova.
“OK, we have managed to overcome the main security in his computer system, but we still have to gain access to the top level security priorities…”
“OK, OK, I get it, but you can fix all that, right?” interrupted Balinova impatiently.
“Right?” he repeated.
“Well yes” said Dymock, “we’re working on some software that should bypass the levels...”
“Don’t give me ‘should’ Dymock,” snapped Balinova “give me ‘will’ will bypass the security levels, this is kindergarten computer class shit.”
“Yes” said Dymock tensely “we will bypass the security levels...”
“And the man, can we get to him?” asked Balinova, rapidly getting angry.
“We have an operative going through the final stages of joining the crew as we speak”
“Well you had better hope he gets the fuckin’ job Dymock”
Dymock sighed, as others played, this was what he spent his weekends working for. This was what he had given his life up for…
_________________________________________________________________________________
Dymock launched into presentation mode, rationalising this, explaining that, itemising the other.
Balinova interrupted. “Just cut to the chase, show me what you got.”
“Well, it seems our target is worth some 200 million dollars, lives on a large purpose built 210 ft Palmer Johnson Yacht just off Acapulco. It is fitted with all early warning systems, SAM ground to air missiles, all the usual trappings of a man of his wealth…”
“Yeah yeah” interjected Balinova, not interested in hearing that this man was worth more then him…..”So can he be got at?”
“So what would you like to know?” asked Dymock irritated. This presentation had taken over 45 man hours, mainly his man hours, and it was being flushed down the toilet by this Russian ingrate.
“What do you mean what do I want to know?” said Balinova, starting to get riled, a feat which never took too much effort. “I want to know whether the man we have in the frame can be got at!!! That’s what we’re here for isn’t it?”
“Well I’m coming to that” said Dymock, reluctant to abandon several slides of meticulously gleaned data.
“Well for f*ck sakes come to it now” growled Balinova.
“OK, we have managed to overcome the main security in his computer system, but we still have to gain access to the top level security priorities…”
“OK, OK, I get it, but you can fix all that, right?” interrupted Balinova impatiently.
“Right?” he repeated.
“Well yes” said Dymock, “we’re working on some software that should bypass the levels...”
“Don’t give me ‘should’ Dymock,” snapped Balinova “give me ‘will’ will bypass the security levels, this is kindergarten computer class shit.”
“Yes” said Dymock tensely “we will bypass the security levels...”
“And the man, can we get to him?” asked Balinova, rapidly getting angry.
“We have an operative going through the final stages of joining the crew as we speak”
“Well you had better hope he gets the fuckin’ job Dymock”
Dymock sighed, as others played, this was what he spent his weekends working for. This was what he had given his life up for…
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
well done mate... hehe i shall be checking to see how much you edited it from the first draft 
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
I'll try to get a submission in today.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
InkL0sed wrote:I'll try to get a submission in today.
good man,
well if you are struggling to get it by the end of today i can wait till midday tomorrow, if you like? (time for me now 17:30)
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Dymock leaned forward. ‘Mr Balinova, sir, thank you for coming. First of all I should warn you that the doors to this room are now locked, and that you have a loaded and silenced gun pointed at your back.’
Confusion swept across the russian’s face, followed fast by flame-cheeked anger. He turned around in his chair and was met with a sharp dig in his kidneys from something hard. The man behind him smiled.
‘What the f*ck are you…’ Balinova snarled.
‘You never offered me dental cover. Always niggled, that. Now turn around and listen to what Mr Dymock has to say before I shoot you in the neck.’
‘Just watch the video, please,’ Dymock called.
Balinova was quaking with rage as the screen flickered to life. It was a home video – a darkened room, a cone of light illuminating a whimpering figure on a chair. A man wearing a ski mask emerged from the shadows and tilted his captor’s face towards the camera. Balinova roared.
‘This,’ said Dymock, ‘is your daughter, Mr Balinova, and unless you do exactly as we say, William there is going to do some unspeakable things to her. You know who we represent, I take it.’
The russian’s knuckles whitened on the tabletop. Low sunlight lit him through the darkened windows, dust motes jigged in the air, and in the silence, a low buzz. Balinova’s cellphone was ringing.
Confusion swept across the russian’s face, followed fast by flame-cheeked anger. He turned around in his chair and was met with a sharp dig in his kidneys from something hard. The man behind him smiled.
‘What the f*ck are you…’ Balinova snarled.
‘You never offered me dental cover. Always niggled, that. Now turn around and listen to what Mr Dymock has to say before I shoot you in the neck.’
‘Just watch the video, please,’ Dymock called.
Balinova was quaking with rage as the screen flickered to life. It was a home video – a darkened room, a cone of light illuminating a whimpering figure on a chair. A man wearing a ski mask emerged from the shadows and tilted his captor’s face towards the camera. Balinova roared.
‘This,’ said Dymock, ‘is your daughter, Mr Balinova, and unless you do exactly as we say, William there is going to do some unspeakable things to her. You know who we represent, I take it.’
The russian’s knuckles whitened on the tabletop. Low sunlight lit him through the darkened windows, dust motes jigged in the air, and in the silence, a low buzz. Balinova’s cellphone was ringing.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
We've got sex, we've got violence. Where are the drugs?
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
"Well," Geoff replied, "I ..." At that moment, he experienced severe vertigo and dropped off his chair like raw cookie dough onto a baking sheet.
She slowly ran her fingers through his hairy chest as she straddled herself on top of Geoff. Geoff was going to enjoy the ride with this one as she purred in his ear. A stunning blonde with all the right accessories, she started to rock back and forth like a cowboy as Geoff started yelling, "yippee ky yeah". The blonde, in her most sultry voice, asked Geoff, "what have you got?". "Baby, I have too much for you to handle", as Geoff fired his gun. Geoff stopped all of a sudden and wondered what the hell he was doing with a gun?
"Geoff!!! Wake up!!!" Geoff kneeled on the floor, shaking his head, still a little dizzy, and looked across the table at the body of Dimitri Balinova. Blood was pouring from his head. Geoff looked down at his right hand which held some sort of handgun/silencer combo. His assistant Mike, eyes bulging, stared down at the floor. Geoff followed his glance and found Dimitri's assistant in a pool of blood.
"What the hell happened Mike?"
"I don't know. When you passed out, something or someone hit me from behind." Mike replied. Time stood still as both men stared at the listless bodies.
Geoff was trying to get his mind around what just happened. He was only here to see if he could find backers for a new casino in Las Vegas. Balinova was going to be one of the bigger contributers.
The deafening screams from the waitress pierced Geoff's head like acupuncture needles.
She slowly ran her fingers through his hairy chest as she straddled herself on top of Geoff. Geoff was going to enjoy the ride with this one as she purred in his ear. A stunning blonde with all the right accessories, she started to rock back and forth like a cowboy as Geoff started yelling, "yippee ky yeah". The blonde, in her most sultry voice, asked Geoff, "what have you got?". "Baby, I have too much for you to handle", as Geoff fired his gun. Geoff stopped all of a sudden and wondered what the hell he was doing with a gun?
"Geoff!!! Wake up!!!" Geoff kneeled on the floor, shaking his head, still a little dizzy, and looked across the table at the body of Dimitri Balinova. Blood was pouring from his head. Geoff looked down at his right hand which held some sort of handgun/silencer combo. His assistant Mike, eyes bulging, stared down at the floor. Geoff followed his glance and found Dimitri's assistant in a pool of blood.
"What the hell happened Mike?"
"I don't know. When you passed out, something or someone hit me from behind." Mike replied. Time stood still as both men stared at the listless bodies.
Geoff was trying to get his mind around what just happened. He was only here to see if he could find backers for a new casino in Las Vegas. Balinova was going to be one of the bigger contributers.
The deafening screams from the waitress pierced Geoff's head like acupuncture needles.
Last edited by Sackett58 on Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
2010-04-24 18:51:35 - MrMoody: OMG I'm in a game with stunna, what is up with this?
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Dymock's crisply starched shirt felt uncomfortably tight.
He resisted the urge to loosen his tie as he rose with calm deliberation and went back to his laptop.
Beads of sweat dotting his upper lip were all that betrayed his increasing nervousness - a fact which did not escape Dimitri's attention, but then nothing ever did.
Dymock had a lot riding on today, a helluva lot, which is why when the lights went out he found it hard to hide his frustration.
Jesus, this was all he needed, a godamn power cut! And where the f*ck were the emergency lights!!
A blow to the head and a violent shove stopped him mid thought, however, and sent him sprawling and dazed to the conference room floor.
He lay stunned and bewildered in the persisting darkness. Vague noises; a muffled cry, breaking glass, an urgent whisper, a door opening and closing...then, silence.
Dymock struggled painfully to his feet. Then, as quickly as they had gone out, the lights returned, illuminating a scene that took him an instant to visualize, but several more to assimilate.
A child could have spotted the differences: an upturned chair; the table now empty, save for a pair of sunglasses, a broken tumbler and a small pool of water making it's way to the edge. And Dymock was alone.
Alone that is, save for the Russian. Still seated, but with his head now lolling backwards, his arms hanging lifeless at his sides and a glaring gash like a clown's painted smile running from ear to ear.
He felt the bile rise in his throat, not from revulsion (he'd seen worse) but from the most devastating difference of all - his laptop was gone.
The water reached it's destination and Dymock watched transfixed as it dripped gleefully to the floor and began mingling with the darker pool already speading there.
What was he going to do now?
He resisted the urge to loosen his tie as he rose with calm deliberation and went back to his laptop.
Beads of sweat dotting his upper lip were all that betrayed his increasing nervousness - a fact which did not escape Dimitri's attention, but then nothing ever did.
Dymock had a lot riding on today, a helluva lot, which is why when the lights went out he found it hard to hide his frustration.
Jesus, this was all he needed, a godamn power cut! And where the f*ck were the emergency lights!!
A blow to the head and a violent shove stopped him mid thought, however, and sent him sprawling and dazed to the conference room floor.
He lay stunned and bewildered in the persisting darkness. Vague noises; a muffled cry, breaking glass, an urgent whisper, a door opening and closing...then, silence.
Dymock struggled painfully to his feet. Then, as quickly as they had gone out, the lights returned, illuminating a scene that took him an instant to visualize, but several more to assimilate.
A child could have spotted the differences: an upturned chair; the table now empty, save for a pair of sunglasses, a broken tumbler and a small pool of water making it's way to the edge. And Dymock was alone.
Alone that is, save for the Russian. Still seated, but with his head now lolling backwards, his arms hanging lifeless at his sides and a glaring gash like a clown's painted smile running from ear to ear.
He felt the bile rise in his throat, not from revulsion (he'd seen worse) but from the most devastating difference of all - his laptop was gone.
The water reached it's destination and Dymock watched transfixed as it dripped gleefully to the floor and began mingling with the darker pool already speading there.
What was he going to do now?
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
several gruesome deaths and a possible porno already. Fantastic.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
heavycola wrote:several gruesome deaths and a possible porno already. Fantastic.
heheh it really is heating up! Ok i will put the vote up in a while.. what with this being in Map Foundry it seems fair to give Ink a chance to find it.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
jiminski wrote:heheh.. this thread exists but has no discernible home
This is deep stuff.
The forum you selected does not exist.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Frop wrote:jiminski wrote:heheh.. this thread exists but has no discernible home
This is deep stuff.The forum you selected does not exist.
it is a philosophical paradox!
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
I think i should wait until the the thread actually exists before i make the vote... do you agree?
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
jiminski wrote:I think i should wait until the the thread actually exists before i make the vote... do you agree?
Yeah, I still think sackett has to review his contribution anyway. Do you want to delay the deadline as well or just the vote?
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got tonkaed
- Posts: 5034
- Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:01 pm
- Location: Detroit
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
might as well delay the deadline really...if we are waiting for a forum to open up to make it more accessible theres no reason not to let anyone who might find the thread in the time being to post if they so choose.
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
got tonkaed wrote:might as well delay the deadline really...if we are waiting for a forum to open up to make it more accessible theres no reason not to let anyone who might find the thread in the time being to post if they so choose.
cool, i reckon it makes sense gentlemen!
Re: SHORT STORY - PASSAGE 2 - ENTRY NOW OPEN
Geoffrey opened up the first Powerpoint slide. "This first slide shows the least expensive choices, in the $10,000 range. They are all, of course, perfect, but on the smaller size." Balinova just nodded his head.
Geoffrey continued, "The next three slides show the items in increasing size and price range. Feel free to peruse them."
Balinova flipped back and forth between the slides. He narrowed his eyes. "Isn't there something else you'd like to show me?"
A small bead of sweat formed on Geoffrey's brow. He cleared his throat. "Well, um, yes sir." He typed in a password to open the last slide. "This is the rare Green Dragon Diamond. It is not actually in my possession at this time, and acquiring it could be quite difficult and dangerous. Needless to say, the price would reflect that." Balinova studied the photo. "I need a moment," he said. He and his assistant put their heads together and whispered for a few minutes, reviewing the slides again.
"I've come to a decision", Balinova stated.
"Yes, sir. Now, which diamond would suit your fiancee?"
Geoffrey continued, "The next three slides show the items in increasing size and price range. Feel free to peruse them."
Balinova flipped back and forth between the slides. He narrowed his eyes. "Isn't there something else you'd like to show me?"
A small bead of sweat formed on Geoffrey's brow. He cleared his throat. "Well, um, yes sir." He typed in a password to open the last slide. "This is the rare Green Dragon Diamond. It is not actually in my possession at this time, and acquiring it could be quite difficult and dangerous. Needless to say, the price would reflect that." Balinova studied the photo. "I need a moment," he said. He and his assistant put their heads together and whispered for a few minutes, reviewing the slides again.
"I've come to a decision", Balinova stated.
"Yes, sir. Now, which diamond would suit your fiancee?"