How to write a paper in college/university:

[El Capitan X]

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out bored.com.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

http://asil.logicalinsanity.ca/300college%20paper.html


Sounds so familiar...

[jonesthecurl]

Nah. No CC.

[El Capitan X]

Nah. No CC.

A great mistake by the author indeed. Two key components missing, one being what you stated, the other....


M-sturb-tion. Can I buy a vowel?

[jonesthecurl]

aaaa, no.

[Ditocoaf]

Heh... it's 12:08 at night and I'm "trying" to finish my paper... That describes me perfectly if you replace both e-mail and bored.com with CC, and remove the bit about windows crashing (I'm on a mac).

Are you that guy who's been sitting outside my window on a laptop all night?

[spurgistan]

Add facebook, and you got while I'm on CC when I have a final due in 11 1/2 hours

[MeDeFe]

I've written some of my best papers in a quite similar way, by starting at most 2 days before deadline and then living on mostly coffee while alternately writing away in a frenzy and despairing because I'll never get it finished in time.

[Ditocoaf]

The prophetic qualities of the Tower of Babble astound me.

It is now 7:10 in the morning and I am watching the sky start to brighten as I fight to produce the final page on my essay, realizing with a sinking feeling that my first class starts in one hour, and this paper is due in two. I still sip on my cold cup of coffee. Now, against my better judgment, I return to CC to post "in this one thread." I am still killing time. Why do I do this? Because I know that somehow, I'll get this paper in anyway, and I'll get a decent grade in the class anyway, and that the misery that I will experience as this lack of sleep catches up with me, will come later. And right now, I can't wait to see if it's my turn again in Backgammon.

[jonesthecurl]

When I was doing my degree (and bear in mind, this is as a mature student, part-time - I was doing it because I wanted to, not for a better job or anything) I never ever handed any work in more than half an hour before the deadline, no matter how long I had to do it - Once i beat the deadline by about three seconds.
And there were people doing the same course just to bet a degree to get a job balh blah who had no interest in the subject matter at all, and who would write everything within coupla days of the assignment.

[MeDeFe]

Procrastination is a fine art. I'm simultaneously posting on CC and marking parts of a text I might need for a smallish paper I promised to send in "this evening".

[mpjh]

I have been meaning to get to this thread, but something always comes up. Now I cannot remember what I wanted to say.

[nagerous]

Sure add CC/facebook rather than bored.com and some masturbation too and you have me perfectly.

[Snorri1234]

Heh... it's 12:08 at night and I'm "trying" to finish my paper... That describes me perfectly if you replace both e-mail and bored.com with CC, and remove the bit about windows crashing (I'm on a mac).

It's a bit outdated. bored.com and kazaa tell you that.