SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

[Theldin]

-Why was WW1 so quick?

- because they were Russian

-Why was WW2 so slow?

-Because they were Stalin.

[mrswdk]

Yeah but Stalin was Russian so your joke doesn't work.

No letter for Theldin until he posts a better joke.

[Swifte]

So there are 2 olives hanging out, a black olive and a green olive. They're going on a walk through olive garden.
The black olive trips and the green olive says, "Oh my gosh are you okay?!?"
The black olive gets up and says, "olive."

[Piolo]

Why do women prefer 3.5 inches to 6?

show

[Occluded Front]

Humans are just zombies plus ghosts.

[Ottoman~Empire]

All you all alright???

NOO YOU ALL ON LEFT

[Ottoman~Empire]

Are you All alright??

NOO you All on LEFT

[WingCmdr Ginkapo]

Courtesy of the Mayor of London. Move over Boris. Sadiq's in town:

I went to visit St George’s, my local hospital, and I asked: “Who are the easiest people to operate on?”

One of the surgeons said: “It’s librarians, because when you cut them open all the bits are in alphabetical order.”

Another one of them goes: “No, you’re wrong. Actually, the easiest people to operate on are accountants because when you open them up, all their parts are numbered.”

But then the chief surgeon disagreed. She goes: “You’re both wrong. The easiest are politicians.”

So I said to her: “Politicians? Why’s that?”

And she said: “Well, last week I had Jeremy Hunt in here for surgery. When we sliced him open he was gutless, spineless and heartless.

“Also his head and his a*** were interchangeable.”

[Paddyohale]

Why are Photons not Catholic?

show

[aimilios]

Which would have been the most scaring american wedding reception?
Clues: H, D, C, T

[iAmCaffeine]

Courtesy of the Mayor of London. Move over Boris. Sadiq's in town:

I went to visit St George’s, my local hospital, and I asked: “Who are the easiest people to operate on?”

One of the surgeons said: “It’s librarians, because when you cut them open all the bits are in alphabetical order.”

Another one of them goes: “No, you’re wrong. Actually, the easiest people to operate on are accountants because when you open them up, all their parts are numbered.”

But then the chief surgeon disagreed. She goes: “You’re both wrong. The easiest are politicians.”

So I said to her: “Politicians? Why’s that?”

And she said: “Well, last week I had Jeremy Hunt in here for surgery. When we sliced him open he was gutless, spineless and heartless.

“Also his head and his a*** were interchangeable.”

/thread

[takman2k]

My jokes are all Orignial... or Extra Crispy.

[Pochuco]

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,197,614,308 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

[t4mcr53s2]

Piolo's joke reminded me

Why do women prefer 3.5 inches to 6?

show

why women are so poor at judging the size of a foot

show

[loutil]

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It's a shitzhu...

[Winged Cat]

Player A was the offline friend and neighbor of long-time cook B, and had taken to mentoring B. One day A suggested to B to try out the monthly challenge. B agreed.

The next day A came by and found B's house filled with marijuana smoke, B in the middle of it in a drug-induced stupor, sitting next to a trashcan with a worrying number of marijuana cigar stubs. After getting B outside and coherent, A asked, "What happened?"

B replied, "You said to 'get token'."

[Dukasaur]

Player A was the offline friend and neighbor of long-time cook B, and had taken to mentoring B. One day A suggested to B to try out the monthly challenge. B agreed.

The next day A came by and found B's house filled with marijuana smoke, B in the middle of it in a drug-induced stupor, sitting next to a trashcan with a worrying number of marijuana cigar stubs. After getting B outside and coherent, A asked, "What happened?"

B replied, "You said to 'get token'."

Bonus points for trying to come up with something CC-related!

[Leroy Gibbs]

"I'm impressed with you Tony!" said Ziva.
Tony looked up at Ziva and grinned sheepishly at her and said:
"Yeah, Zev -va! What for this time?"
"You have managed to finish that 250 piece jigsaw puzzle in 3 days. It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

Not ganna lie, I don't understand how to participate in the monthly challenge. But I saw others posting jokes so I figured I'd throw one out there

[zipper66]

Two nuns are taking a bath. One asks, "Where's the soap?" The other one says, "It does, doesn't it?"

[macbone]

How do you get a crowd of drunk Canadians to get out of a swimming pool?

Ask them, "Would you please get out of the swimming pool?"

[ElricTheGreat]

Warning --- Dirty Joke ahead ....

A White horse fell in a puddle of mud !!!

Wanna here another one?

[Charle]

A plane is on its final approach into an airport. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Captain Martin. We're now on our final descent. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay."

He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, what are you doing today?"

Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well," says the captain, "first I'm going to check into the hotel and brush my teeth. Then I'm going to ask the new stewardess out for dinner."

Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, an elderly lady grabs her by the arm to stop her, leans over and says, "No need to run, dear, he's gotta brush his teeth first."

[simi16]

For sale: wedding dress, size 6, never used.

[djelebert]

2 ducks on a pond.

First says : Quack quack quack quack

2nd says: Oh that's exactly I wanted to say!

[blacky365]

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I love them... I was lying to get sex!