Conquer Club

Granted, but this means were are stuck in a moebius loop of space-time.

I wish I had never granted your wish.

Granted but someone else did.

I wish that we could get out of this space/time loopy thing.

Granted but that means this thread is deleted.

(I wish this was) The End.

granted but only in an alternate universe.

I wish that I was a star.

Granted, but unfortunately you are a star spiraling in towards the giant black hole at the center of our galaxy.

I wish I knew what I was talking about.

granted! but now you are super smart and mathematically prove that god does not exist and are killed by religious zealots.


I wish for a free taco from taco bell.

Granted but it's poisoned.

I wish for food.

granted. but it was your last meal and starve to death.

I wish I was batman

Granted but you Bane snaps you in half.

I wish that I didn't need to eat.

Granted. Now you have to suck it up like a vacuum cleaner.

I wish I lived in Paris.

Granted, but it's Paris during the German occupation and you get gunned down by nazis who mistake you for a member of the resistance.

I wish I was more like Steve McQueen

Granted -- remember he died of lung cancer in a Mexico clinic.

I wish I could die making love to Uma Thgurman.

granted, you think it's Uma but it's really a guy in drag

I wish for a bonus at work.

Granted, but the bonus comes in the form of more work.

I wish I had a cure for cancer, and that cure was doing mushrooms in the desert down in Mexico where I am dying of lung cancer.

Granted, and the Mexicans give you button mushrooms.

I wish I could cure cancer with my urine.

Granted, but all the cancer patients are so revolted by the nature of their treatment that as soon as they recover you are literally beaten to a pulp by an angry horde of cancer survivors (some time later, they discover that it was actually all that Dr. Pepper you had been drinking that was the real cure and you weren't really necessary anyway).

I wish you had indoor plumbing.

wish granted, but the water is radioactive

I wish I could die making love to Selma Hyack.

Granted. You get a heart attack as soon as she takes her clothes off and die immediately.

I wish I owned a space shuttle.

Granted but it's mistaken for an enemy station carrying nukes and is shot down by the U.S. Oh and it's burning wreckage lands on you.

I wish that people would wish for better things.

Granted. Of course now that they're better they are no longer granted!

I wish they were granted

Granted. Now worldpeace is established and all the potential Miss America's have no idea what to wish for. They commit collective suicide and you are sued for (wo)manslaughter.

I wish I'll never have a hangover again.

granted but you may never drink again


I wish I could sleep

granted. but now your head as been lobbed off causeing eternal sleep

I wish I was a poker superstar

Granted but someone claims that you cheated and you get beaten to a pulp. You're still alive but because of the horror you never play poker again.

I wish nate hadn't gotten beaten to a pulp.

granted, but you are laughing at him when it happens, and the people bashing him turn to you and beat you to a pulp.



I wish was a baller.