Conquer Club

btw, koolbak is such a testosterone fuelled man's man, he eats steak so fucking raw, to get the second mouthful he has to chase the cow round the farm for about 15 minutes. if he fails to get a second mouthful of super duper raw steak under in under 16 minutes, he shoots the cunt, rings up the rest of his mates and they all sit around a cow carcass in a field like African lions with blood stained nose fur.

One day, during such a blood feast, a cougar tried to chase them off the kill, but they leapt at the cougar and ripped it apart with their fingers. Kool wasn't much use, because he's only got one hand full of fingers, but those stumpy little digits on his other hand were lightning quick to pop out the cougars eyes - which he gulped down with gusto.

nothing in the poll was able to be voted for by Kool, because even raw steak is for pussies. Word!

barackattack wrote:American wine? Oog.

Americans trying to produce wine is like pigs trying to compose symphonies.

You don't seem to know very much about wine?

But I know what I like.

barackattack wrote:But I know what I like.

Foreign men and cuisine?

Went off foreign men after that Polish dancer stole my house keys.

Anyone else noticed how 'raw steak' and 'cock' have the same number of votes?

barackattack wrote:Went off foreign men after that Polish dancer stole my house keys.

Anyone else noticed how 'raw steak' and 'cock' have the same number of votes?

I noticed that at one point there were 19 votes. for a poll where you could vote twice, and everyone likes to use both their votes, someone just voted for one option and didn't post a reply.
I bet that was a cock vote because they were American and had no idea what sushi or gentleman's relish was....

Nope that was a sushi vote. I'll rectify that right away.

barackattack wrote:Went off foreign men after that Polish dancer stole my house keys.

Oi! Yer geezer immit ur bling, he did? Shoulda telled 'im "don't backchat me boy or I bust you up!" Fawwwkers!

What a crappy deal. Votes over. I wanted to vote for Steak and Sushi. I just didn't see I could vote twice. Must have been distraaaakted by cawk.

saxitoxin wrote:

barackattack wrote:Went off foreign men after that Polish dancer stole my house keys.

Oi! Yer geezer immit ur bling, he did? Shoulda telled 'im "don't backchat me boy or I bust you up!" Fawwwkers!

geezer - not a word used about sexual partners, I'm afraid
bling - not relating to keys. Sorry.
backchat - unrelated to thievery, unfortunately.
Fawkers - either that's made up or you've been pimping yourself around a few too many East End bars.

Overall, I'm awarding you 63% (closer to a 2.ii than a First, I'm afraid). The technical inaccuracies were offset by your apparent references to farmland dialect, which (speaking as someone who grew up rurally) I found delightful and have marked you up for accordingly.

For better marks in future, I would recommend you make sure to double check anything you aren't sure of, and reference any words that might not be widely known.

Yeah, sorry. Not Milton Keynes.

barackattack wrote:I would recommend you make sure to double check anything you aren't sure of,

Like British wines?

barackattack wrote:

saxitoxin wrote:

barackattack wrote:Went off foreign men after that Polish dancer stole my house keys.

Oi! Yer geezer immit ur bling, he did? Shoulda telled 'im "don't backchat me boy or I bust you up!" Fawwwkers!

geezer - not a word used about sexual partners, I'm afraid
bling - not relating to keys. Sorry.
backchat - unrelated to thievery, unfortunately.
Fawkers - either that's made up or you've been pimping yourself around a few too many East End bars.

Overall, I'm awarding you 63% (closer to a 2.ii than a First, I'm afraid). The technical inaccuracies were offset by your apparent references to farmland dialect, which (speaking as someone who grew up rurally) I found delightful and have marked you up for accordingly.

For better marks in future, I would recommend you make sure to double check anything you aren't sure of, and reference any words that might not be widely known.

Yeah, sorry. Not Milton Keynes.

As nietzsche speaks better Spanish than ol' Sax, I acknowledge you speak better chav. No amount of Rosetta Stone CDs can make up for immersion. I humbly acknowledge you have me totally outclassed in this and, probably also, knife fighting, how to get your pregnant girlfriend to miscarry, the way to properly sag trousers, auto repair and the architectural theory of council housing.

Sax has been bested, gang.

and the architectural theory of council housing

saxitoxin wrote:how to get your pregnant girlfriend to miscarry

'Shove her down the stairs' is hardly PhD knowledge.

barackattack wrote:

saxitoxin wrote:how to get your pregnant girlfriend to miscarry

'Shove her down the stairs' is hardly PhD knowledge.

and it's not a failsafe. i speak as a father who gave it the full beans of a bottle of gin, hot bath and a firm push down the apples...

Oh! - Scotty wades in with a photo of a man with pink hair!
wow!
he seems to of received a whack to his left mince pie.
what does this intriguing image tell us?

LMFAO!! That cougar was one sexy 50's - ish babe too....still quite tasty

Pedronicus wrote:btw, koolbak is such a testosterone fuelled man's man, he eats steak so fucking raw, to get the second mouthful he has to chase the cow round the farm for about 15 minutes. if he fails to get a second mouthful of super duper raw steak under in under 16 minutes, he shoots the cunt, rings up the rest of his mates and they all sit around a cow carcass in a field like African lions with blood stained nose fur.

One day, during such a blood feast, a cougar tried to chase them off the kill, but they leapt at the cougar and ripped it apart with their fingers. Kool wasn't much use, because he's only got one hand full of fingers, but those stumpy little digits on his other hand were lightning quick to pop out the cougars eyes - which he gulped down with gusto.

nothing in the poll was able to be voted for by Kool, because even raw steak is for pussies. Word!

Disapointing. I was hoping you'd at least correct that and mention that any cows mistakenly wandering onto your land will be shot regardless of wether or not they're going to get bit.

Dom Deluoise (sp) that was a skinny man.

So Rock... you're into the, uh.. king sized gay dudes?

Pedronicus wrote:Oh! - Scotty wades in with a photo of a man with pink hair!
wow!
he seems to of received a whack to his left mince pie.
what does this intriguing image tell us?

That gay men do get fat?

'cock' and 'steak' still keeping even pace with each other.

Pedronicus wrote:I bet that was a cock vote because they were American and had no idea what gentleman's relish was....

Is it a euphimism for onion chutney?

All this talk of cock and wine, so coq au vin has been added to the menu for this week. Manly or gay?

Got a funny cock joke. Oldie but goody:

Farmer Brown goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his hens. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old one and says: “OK, old fellow, time to retire.” The old rooster says: “You can’t handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!” The young rooster replies: “Now don’t give me a hassle about this old man. It’s time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike!” The old rooster says: “Aw, c’mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won’t bother you.” The young rooster snarls: “Scram! Beat it! You’re washed up! I’m taking over!” The wily old rooster thinks for a minute and then says: “I’ll tell you what, I'll race you - five times around the coop. Whoever wins gets full domain over the yard. Just to make it a bit fairer, given my age and that, you have to give me a 10 yard head start”. The young rooster smiles: “You know I’m going to beat you, old man, no matter your lead. So it's a deal”.
The two roosters line themselves up along one side of the coop. A hen clucks “Go!” and the old rooster takes off running, with the youngster setting off 10 yards behind. After one lap of the coop the young rooster is just a matter of feet behind the old rooster and still gaining fast. Farmer Brown, sitting on his porch, had heard all the commotion. He looks up and sees what’s going on. Quick as a flash he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens! Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust: “Damn! That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month!”