Conquer Club

Is there enough free time in my schedule today that I can read mets' joke?

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One's a little lighter.

Truth in advertising ... all of my worst ones comes from my barbershop quartet's bass

It was a dark evening that Christmas Eve; the three workers partied long into the night and were well above the legal limit when they got into their car, drive way too fast and crashed into the side of the road. The crash was fatal. (Yes this is a bad way to start a joke ...)

There before the pearly gates they stood before a somber St. Peter who flipped pages back and forth in his book. "I'm sorry guys, but looking at your record there is no way you can enter the pearly gates. But, it is Christmas and I suppose I could let you in providing you show some proof. If you have anything related to Christmas I'll let you in."

The first guy searched his pockets and pulled out his car keys. Shaking them he said, "Jingle Bells?"

"A little thin," St. Peter said, "but I'll let you in."

The second guy was more panicked. He pulled out his lighter and lit it. "Christmas Lights?"

"Even thinner," St. Peter replied but he let him in as well.

The third one was in a complete state of panic. The only thing he had was a pair of ladies' pink panties. With that he held it up before St. Peter.

"Carol's?"

What did Santa put under Nikki Haley’s tree?

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This article is a treasure trove.
http://www.weeklystandard.com/jews-and-their-jokes/article/2011118

What is the ultimate Jewish dilemma:

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What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner?

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DoomYoshi wrote:This article is a treasure trove.
http://www.weeklystandard.com/jews-and-their-jokes/article/2011118

yeah, was good - thx for sharing.

There's a blonde, a brunette and a red head. They argued about some tracks in the snow. The brunette insisting they were deer tracks, the blonde certain they were elk tracks, and the red head choosing moose tracks.

Spoiler

They were eventually killed by a train.

I know, I know, you're going to say that I'm just trying to be political,
...but seriously, this is funny stuff.
I don't care what political party these guys claim to ascribe to, or evin if they're running for office., ...are they?

Frankly, they're giving latter-day Laurel & Hardy vibes. I'd love to see them team up for a screwball comedy or wacky sit-com.