btw there is no god

[Dancing Mustard]

Ah yeah, it really isn't that funny. Maybe one smilie but it don't deserve that many.

OH NOEZS!!! I HAZ BROKEN TEH MADE-UP RULEZ OF HOW 2 USE TEH SMILYS THAT GREGRIOZ JUZT MAYDE UP!!!

Seriously though, it was fucking hilarious. You were just too stupid to get the joke (as usual).

NO OFFENCE INTENDED!!!!!

[Gregrios]

Ah yeah, it really isn't that funny. Maybe one smilie but it don't deserve that many.

OH NOEZS!!! I HAZ BROKEN TEH MADE-UP RULEZ OF HOW 2 USE TEH SMILYS THAT GREGRIOZ JUZT MAYDE UP!!!

What are you trying to say?

[Gregrios]

If you're so sure, why start a thread about it. You should be humbled in knowing you've got it right and the opposition has it wrong.

Bullshit.

The fact that he's so sure means that he absolutely should start a thread about it.

Why? Because it'll give him the ideal opportunity to point out how deluded, irrational and incapable of rational argument people like Gregrios are.

Ah yeah, it really isn't that funny. Maybe one smilie but it don't deserve that many. Sure it was funny the first couple hundred times but now it's just old news and frankly, so are you. No offence intended.

[jonesthecurl]

The atheists are not responding they must be dumbfounded.

Dude. You just said that you thought people worship hammers as gods. If anyone is dumbfounded, it's only because they're amazed that anyone could be so stupid.

Well apparently Neanderpaul does.

Well JJM you have finally uncovered the truth that we have sought to keep hidden over thousands of years. The Hammerians,or Hammer Worshipers walk among you. Countless years ago our brethren split from the Masons over questions of worship. On any given Sunday while millions of mindless sheep plod into churches worldwide the true believers go to Home Depot, Lowes, or thousands of smaller hardware stores throughout the planet and practice the only true form of worship, that of the Mighty and Ever Holy Hammer. We can be found in the hand tool section on these days, and on truly Holy occasions or on Feast Days we will be found in the Sledgehammer section. Recently some radical sects have begun worshiping jackhammers, all of these offshoots are blasphemers and must be stopped at all costs.

Congratulations on your discovery. For your diligence and insight you have been targeted for termination, beware we are everywhere, anyone you see with a hammer may be one of us. The assassin could be that friendly carpenter who comes to fix your front door, or it may be the roofer shingling your roof, perhaps even a landscaper installing that front walk. It could be anyone with a hammer. Remember with enough determination even a rubber mallet may be deadly.

Why do you think it's unlucky to walk under a ladder?
There may be a Hammerian up there, ready to accidentally drop the holy weapon on an unwary sacrifice.
A it says in the Book of Rounduit, Let him who is without tintack cast the first hammer

[JJM]

Scientific proof: There has been something found on a mountain in Iran that looks like a ship of some sort.

holy shit i'm convinced

What are the chance that if it were not Noah's ark that it would fit the measurements.

[JJM]

Actually Josephus mentioned Him.

the authenticity of that document is questionable, at best.

however i do believe there was a man named jesus who we ascribe the christ story to. of course the story is patently untrue and 2,000 years of retellings hasn't helped it, but jesus the man probably existed. there is as much evidence for his existence as there is for any run-of-the-mill roman citizen/religious kook from back then and i see no reason to believe that a completely fabricated human somehow drew a cult following in the years before christianity became the state religion

The Bible records the events that happend with 100% accuracy. It was written by people who witnessed the events.

[Snorri1234]

Actually Josephus mentioned Him.

the authenticity of that document is questionable, at best.

however i do believe there was a man named jesus who we ascribe the christ story to. of course the story is patently untrue and 2,000 years of retellings hasn't helped it, but jesus the man probably existed. there is as much evidence for his existence as there is for any run-of-the-mill roman citizen/religious kook from back then and i see no reason to believe that a completely fabricated human somehow drew a cult following in the years before christianity became the state religion

The Bible records the events that happend with 100% accuracy. It was written by people who witnessed the events.

Dude, even if it was written by people who witnessed the events it wouldn't be 100% accurate. A group of people can't even describe an event they witnessed last week with 100% accuracy, let alone tens of years later.

[JJM]

Scientific proof: There has been something found on a mountain in Iran that looks like a ship of some sort.

holy shit i'm convinced

What is your theory on how that clam got on that mountain?

[Snorri1234]

Not so and you are an ignoranus.

Note to self: Do not misspell ignoramus if you are going to call someone one, as you will appear really really stoopit.


Honibaz

Yeah, but ignoranus does sound way funnier.

[Dancing Mustard]

What are the chance that if it were not Noah's ark that it would fit the measurements.

By which I presume that intended to say: "If it was not Noah's Ark, then what are the chances that it would fit the measurements"?

Also, what the hell measurements are you talking about? Since when did the Bible have a handy pull-out section filled with blueprints of its most famous fictional contraptions? Also, since when were primitive lake-dwellers capable of building seagoing vessels that could house two of every animal species on earth alongside enough provisions to keep every single one of them well-fed, healthy, and separated (a feat that even modern engineers would find daunting)?

[Dancing Mustard]

Scientific proof: There has been something found on a mountain in Iran that looks like a ship of some sort.

holy shit i'm convinced

What is your theory on how that clam got on that mountain?

Basic Tectonics covers that rather neatly.

Perhaps it'd be to your benefit to go actually read an elementary earth-sciences book before attempting to wade into the middle of an online debate? You'd be far better equipped to avoid the 'ingnoranus' label that way...

[JJM]

Actually Josephus mentioned Him.

the authenticity of that document is questionable, at best.

however i do believe there was a man named jesus who we ascribe the christ story to. of course the story is patently untrue and 2,000 years of retellings hasn't helped it, but jesus the man probably existed. there is as much evidence for his existence as there is for any run-of-the-mill roman citizen/religious kook from back then and i see no reason to believe that a completely fabricated human somehow drew a cult following in the years before christianity became the state religion

The Bible records the events that happend with 100% accuracy. It was written by people who witnessed the events.

Dude, even if it was written by people who witnessed the events it wouldn't be 100% accurate. A group of people can't even describe an event they witnessed last week with 100% accuracy, let alone tens of years later.

The gospels were written at that time. A person an forget the details but a person walking on water is something that you are not going to forget.

[Dancing Mustard]

The Bible records the events that happend with 100% accuracy. It was written by people who witnessed the events

You just posted a thread titled "Why I love my boyfriend and want to have hot gay bum-sex with him every night". It was filled with pictures of Christiano Ronaldo. Then you deleted it.


That must be true, I have been witnessing events occurring in this forum for the last ten minutes and so therefore I am recording them with 100% accuracy.

[JJM]

What are the chance that if it were not Noah's ark that it would fit the measurements.

By which I presume that intended to say: "If it was not Noah's Ark, then what are the chances that it would fit the measurements"?

Also, what the hell measurements are you talking about? Since when did the Bible have a handy pull-out section filled with blueprints of its most famous fictional contraptions? Also, since when were primitive lake-dwellers capable of building seagoing vessels that could house two of every animal species on earth alongside enough provisions to keep every single one of them well-fed, healthy, and separated (a feat that even modern engineers would find daunting)?

In the Bible god said this to Noah: "Build a large boat from cypress wood and waterproof it with tar inside and out. Then construct decks and stalls throughout the interior. Make the boat 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet high." That is Genesis 6:14 and 15. (If you decide to look it up in a Bible and find the wording different do not call me a lier. Different Bibles will have different translations.)

[Dancing Mustard]

The gospels were written at that time. A person an forget the details but a person walking on water is something that you are not going to forget.

Oh really?

Well then remind me, who was it who went to the tomb to witness Jesus' resurrection? How many people attended the empty tomb?

Was it:

A: Mary alone (John 20:1)? A total of 1.
B: Mary and another Mary (Matthew 28:1)? A total of 2.
C: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome (Mark 16:1)? A total of 3.
D: The women who had accompanied Jesus from Galilee to Jerusalem––possibly Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the Mother of James, and ‘other women’ (Luke 24:1, see 23:55)? More than 4.

After all, remembering who was present at the scene of Christ's apparent resurrection is something that you are not going to forget, right?

[JJM]

The Bible records the events that happend with 100% accuracy. It was written by people who witnessed the events

You just posted a thread titled "Why I love my boyfriend and want to have hot gay bum-sex with him every night". It was filled with pictures of Christiano Ronaldo. Then you deleted it.


That must be true, I have been witnessing events occurring in this forum for the last ten minutes and so therefore I am recording them with 100% accuracy.

I am getting sick of the jokes.

[Dancing Mustard]

The gospels were written at that time. A person an forget the details but a person walking on water is something that you are not going to forget.

Ok, so next question:

When all of those people (numbering between 1 and 4+) attended the empty tomb of Jesus, who was there?

A: One Angel, sitting outside on the big round stone. Matthew 28:2
B: One Angel, but actually he was sitting on the right-hand side of the inside of the tomb. Mark l6:5
C: Two Angels, both of them standing inside the tomb. Luke 24:4
D: Actually there were no angels at all when the disciples went there, but when Mary visited the tomb for a second time there were two, one at the head and one at the feet. John 1-2, 12.

I mean, seeing angels! Now that is something that you are not going to forget... isn't it?

[mpjh]

Not so and you are an ignoranus.

Note to self: Do not misspell ignoramus if you are going to call someone one, as you will appear really really stoopit.


Honibaz

Note to BK -- satirical comments sometimes use malapropisms to make a point. I this case a play on ignore the anus in the comment being addressed.

The terms malapropism and the earlier variant malaprop come from Richard Brinsley Sheridan's 1775 play The Rivals, and in particular the character Mrs. Malaprop. Sheridan presumably named his character Mrs. Malaprop, who frequently misspoke (to great comic effect), in joking reference to the word malapropos.

I know it is a tough one, SLU may not get to Sheridan.

[Dancing Mustard]

I am getting sick of the jokes.

They're not jokes.

They're serious points which demonstrate that simply because the Bible is a collection of eye-witness accounts does not make it 100% accurate.

Why? Because eye-witness accounts are not, and never have been, 100% reliable.

[JJM]

The gospels were written at that time. A person an forget the details but a person walking on water is something that you are not going to forget.

Oh really?

Well then remind me, who was it who went to the tomb to witness Jesus' resurrection? How many people attended the empty tomb?

Was it:

A: Mary alone (John 20:1)? A total of 1.
B: Mary and another Mary (Matthew 28:1)? A total of 2.
C: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome (Mark 16:1)? A total of 3.
D: The women who had accompanied Jesus from Galilee to Jerusalem––possibly Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the Mother of James, and ‘other women’ (Luke 24:1, see 23:55)? More than 4.

After all, remembering who was present at the scene of Christ's apparent resurrection is something that you are not going to forget, right?

Later the Apostles also went to the tomb and seen him.

[JJM]

I am getting sick of the jokes.

They're not jokes.

They're serious points which demonstrate that simply because the Bible is a collection of eye-witness accounts does not make it 100% accurate.

Why? Because eye-witness accounts are not, and never have been, 100% reliable.

Maybe not 100% but there is no way you can mistake someone rising from the dead or someone walking on water.

[xelabale]

DM put him down immediately. Honestly, when will you learn to stop ripping your toys to pieces. When you learn to play nice I may let you out again, but this is just embarrassing.

[JJM]

DM put him down immediately. Honestly, when will you learn to stop ripping your toys to pieces. When you learn to play nice I may let you out again, but this is just embarrassing.

[mpjh]

I am getting sick of the jokes.

They're not jokes.

They're serious points which demonstrate that simply because the Bible is a collection of eye-witness accounts does not make it 100% accurate.

Why? Because eye-witness accounts are not, and never have been, 100% reliable.

Maybe not 100% but there is no way you can mistake someone rising from the dead or someone walking on water.

Every trial lawyer worth his salt knows that "eye witness" accounts are the most unreliable possible, and the easiest to topple. Besides, in this case, we have hearsay accounts many time removed from the unreliable eye witness. Even more troublesome, the hearsay accounts were written by people with a vested interest in a particular outcome -- they were advocates of christianity. Even worse, conflicting accounts written at an early stage of the process were removed from the bible by powerful clergy and governments with a vested interest in a particular interpretation of the alleged events.

All-in-all, the bible is a very, very unreliable recordation of historical facts.

[Dancing Mustard]

Make the boat 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet high.

Awkward...

Y'see, the longest wooden ships in modern use are only about 300 feet and these require reinforcing with iron straps and leak so badly they must be constantly pumped. Even with modern sealants and construction techniques, we just can't build seaworthy vessels of the size you describe... how on Earth could primitive people around the Galilee hope to do the same?

Btw, for those following along from home, bear in mind that most of the largest European War-Galleys in the Elizabethan-Colonial era (the largest wooden ships ever mass-produced before the advent of metal seagoing craft) were still clocking in under 200 feet.

450 feet back in the BC's... physically and logically impossible. Even without turning them into zoos.

That is Genesis 6:14 and 15. (If you decide to look it up in a Bible and find the wording different do not call me a lier. Different Bibles will have different translations.)

So you're saying that the size of the Ark will vary from Bible to Bible? Surely that means that those can't be accurate measurements, right?


Look, save me some time here, go read this: http://ncseweb.org/cej/4/1/impossible-voyage-noahs-ark