Conquer Club

You know, the kind were you need to reference 3 wikipedia pages to make someone "get it".

I`ll start with a very mild one:

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'


Do your worst.

That was bad... I've got none atm, but I've got a computer science class this semester, and oh, the geek jokes are awful... I'll post some later.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't.

InkL0sed wrote:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't.

InkL0sed wrote:There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't.

Classic, also:

Two protons were sitting in the corner (of the aforementioned bar).
One turns to the other and says, “Hey, that neutron got a free beer!”
The other replies, “Are you positive?!”


Later, a neutrino walks into the bar and orders a scotch. When the drink arrives, he takes one sip and collapses in a drunken stupor.
The neutron looks down on the neutrino, and snarls, “Lightweight!”

That history professor is one hyde short of a virgate.

Three statisticians were out hunting and came across the biggest buck any of them had ever seen. The first one took aim and shot, missing by a foot to the right. The second one took a shot, and missed by the same distance to the left. The third one jumped up and exclaimed, "Yes! We got it!"

There's about 2,000 or so of this type of joke here:

http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/

And the 1,960 of them that I understood were really, really funny.

Rene Descartes was sitting at a bar. The bartender came over and asked if
he would like another drink. He replied, "I think not." And he vanished.

Heisenburg was also sitting at the bar. After Descartes vanished in a puff
of smoke, the bartender walked over to him and asked, "Did you see that?"
To which Heisenberg replied, "I can't be certain."

The bartender then noticed Einstein was there. So he asked him if he could
believe what had happened. Einstein replied, "It's all relative."

Then the bartender noticed that Carl Sagan was there. He walked over to
him and asked, "Can you believe that all these famous people are here in
THIS bar?" Sagan replied, "No. Why there must be BILLIONS and BILLIONS of
bars out there."

The bartender asked Georg Ohm what had happened, but Ohm resisted giving
any answer.

Meanwhile, Gustav Hertz was having such a great time, that he promised to
return in the future at a much greater frequency.

Robert Boyle commented that he thought everyone was under too much pressure
to come up with an answer to what was happening.

Erwin Schroedinger tried to explain that in the absence of an observer,
Decartes left but at the same time did not leave.

But Alexander Volta disagreed stating there was a potential difference
between his staying or going.

James Watt had had a bad day and said he had come in just to let off a
little steam.

Charles Darwin refused to take a stand on the days events as he was waiting
to see what would evolve.

Thomas Edison stated that he found the whole thing illuminating.

Andre Ampere helped the bartender ascertain that all the statements
were kept current.

What noise does a quantum duck make?

Quark quark.

That trekkie is one dilithium crystal short of a warp-drive.

You know, they say that math puns are the first sine of insanity.


Heisenberg was speeding down the freeway one day and a police officer pulled him over. When asked if he knew how fast he was going he replied, "No, but I do know where I am."


An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up and builds a square fence, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No, no," said the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing that it encompasses the maximum amount of space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up and says, "No, there's an even better way." To the others amusement he proceeds to construct a tiny fence around himself, and then declares, "I define myself to be on the outside."



There you go, you got your nerdy amusement.

If inside a circle a line
hits the centre and goes spine to spine
and the line's length is "d"
the circumference will be
d times 3 point 14159.

Mathematicans, Biologist and Physicist sit on a bench and see how one man enters a door and little later two men exit the same door.

Physicist: he divided
Biologist: he procreated
Mathematician: there is minus one man left in the building



Holmes and Watson go to a loo.
Watson: Homes, how would you explain that the sounds of our peeing are so drastically different?
Homes: Elementary, Watson: you are peeing on my shoes and I am peeing on your raincoat

Hologram wrote:Heisenberg was speeding down the freeway one day and a police officer pulled him over. When asked if he knew how fast he was going he replied, "No, but I do know where I am."


An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up and builds a square fence, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No, no," said the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing that it encompasses the maximum amount of space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up and says, "No, there's an even better way." To the others amusement he proceeds to construct a tiny fence around himself, and then declares, "I define myself to be on the outside."
.

these are great